Baby One vs Baby Five
This list worried me a bit, and before you contemplate calling social services after reading this, George is the happiest baby I have ever known!
You tend to do so much different the second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth time round 😱 Baby One : I started looking at buggies and cots when I was about 10 weeks pregnant.
Baby five: I dragged the dusty cot out of the loft on my due date. Buggy? I don’t have time for a buggy, I just strap baby to me and go!
_________________ Baby One: Book pregnancy massage at 30 weeks to relax.
Baby Five : Radox relaxing bubble bath while one child is talking to me whilst taking a dump on the loo and another throwing toys at my head. ___________________ Baby one : ‘oh wow, congratulations, that is such wonderful news ‘ Baby Five: ‘ANOTHER ONE!? you need to stop now! Send him for the snip! _______________________ Baby One : Panic and Google everything about childbirth, gather as many stories as possible and hope your hospital stay is minimal. Baby Five : Not to worried about the pain, more concerned how I will muster the energy to actually push the baby out. After two homebirths, considering a hospital birth to blag a couple of peaceful days with my feet up being waited on.
_____________________ Baby One: Sterilise the sh*t out of everything, dummies, bottles, hubby’s hands…. Baby Five : Put the dummy in my mouth to clean it! (come on, I just watched the dog lick the babies hands and my five year old put her fingers in his mouth!)
_____________________ Baby One : Keep everyone away for a couple of days after the birth to recover, when they do come, hostess and act like the perfect, coping mum Baby Five : Invite as many people as possible over as soon as baby is born and go straight to bed to ensure you can buy enough ‘visitor baby hugs’ time to get a good couple of hours sleep. _____________________ Baby One : Boil wash every item of clothing prior to baby wearing it and clean bedclothes daily.
Baby Five : Wash at 30 degrees with the other kids clothes and only wash bed clothes when baby has been sick! Otherwise it falls in the general house rules of one wash a week! ______________________ Baby One : Buy every lotion, potion and gimic you can afford. Baby Five : Olive oil for cradle cap, lavender oil in the bath rather than the £10 bottle of lavender scented baby bath cream. Oh, and FYI, Calpol is exactly the same as the own brand baby paracetamol but triple the price. _____________________ Baby One : Two weeks post birth spent in hibernation. Baby Five : School run six hours later.
___________________ Baby One: Panic over the ‘ right ‘ time to start your baby on solids. Baby Five: Disregard the professionals and as soon as baby isn’t getting satisfied by milk the porridge comes out.
______________________ Baby One : Toddler groups three mornings a week. Baby Five: Organising coffee mornings around what coffee shop has the best ‘kids area ‘
______________________ Baby One : Never take the babies to McDonald’s! They will only eat healthy, organic food including their 5-a-day until they are 9! Baby Five : Tried McDonald’s by nine months and even substituted the fruit for an apple strudel. ______________________ Baby One : 6.30pm bedtime, no excuses. Boom!
Baby Five : It’s 8pm and the baby is watching Fresh Prince with the older kids. If the house is quiet why rock the boat?
____________________ Baby One : Plan toilet training like it is a military operation. Baby Five : Forget to put a nappy on the baby and realise after two days he has been using the potty in the corner. ______________________ Baby One : At one month old, researching primary schools, high schools and universities so that my angels can become the next prime minister, doctor or lawyer.
Baby Five : Now looking at high schools for real for the older kids. Primary school is already planned under the sibling rule and ive actually realised, as long as they are happy and have good support, who cares what they are when they are older.
_______________________ Baby One : Baby gates everywhere! Can’t possibly risk baby falling down the stairs. Baby Five : Teach baby how to climb down stairs safely before he can even walk. ________________________ Baby One : Worry at 2pm that baby hasn’t had lunch and stop everything to make sure they have a suitable meal. Baby Five : At 2pm wonder if the two ginger biscuits and a mouthful of mud he had at the park is ok to pass for lunch.
______________________ Baby One : Perfect changing bag packed and full of baby necessities at all times. Baby Five : Two nappies in one pocket and baby wipes and a dummy in the other and off we go! _________________________ Baby One : If the baby starts creating in a restaurant, stick by your guns, ride the tantrum out and beam with pride when you win and other diners are patting you on the back.
Baby Five : Baby creates in a restaurant and you pass them the lemon from your g&t, a left over rib, order a chocole brownie or do just about anything they want just to shut them up…..then roll your eyes at the disapproving diners! 😂