Baby One vs Baby Five

​ I’ve been thinking about how much I have changed from the first time mum of twins I was ten years ago to the mum of nearly six now. 


This list worried me a bit,  and before you contemplate calling social services after reading this, George is the happiest baby I have ever known! 

You tend to do so much different the second, third, fourth,  fifth and sixth time round 😱
Baby One :

I started looking at buggies and cots when I was about 10 weeks pregnant. 


Baby five: 

I dragged the dusty cot out of the loft on my due date. 

Buggy? I don’t have time for a buggy, I just strap baby to me and go! 

_________________

Baby One:
Book pregnancy massage at 30 weeks to relax.

Baby Five :

Radox relaxing bubble bath while one child is talking to me whilst taking a dump on the loo and another throwing toys at my head. 
___________________

Baby one :

‘oh wow, congratulations,  that is such wonderful news ‘

Baby Five:

‘ANOTHER ONE!?  you need to stop now!  Send him for the snip!

_______________________

Baby One :

Panic and Google everything about childbirth, gather as many stories as possible and hope your hospital stay is minimal. 
Baby Five :

Not to worried about the pain,  more concerned how I will muster the energy to actually push the baby out. 

After two homebirths,  considering a hospital birth to blag a couple of peaceful days with my feet up being waited on. 

_____________________

Baby One:

Sterilise the sh*t out of everything, dummies,  bottles,  hubby’s hands….  

Baby Five :

Put the dummy in my mouth to clean it!  (come on,  I just watched the dog lick the babies hands and my five year old put her fingers in his mouth!)

_____________________

Baby One :

Keep everyone away for a couple of days after the birth to recover,  when they do come,  hostess and act like the perfect, coping mum  

Baby Five :

Invite as many people as possible over as soon as baby is born and go straight to bed to ensure you can buy enough ‘visitor baby hugs’ time to get a good couple of hours sleep.

_____________________

Baby One :

Boil wash every item of clothing prior to baby wearing it and clean bedclothes daily.

Baby Five :

Wash at 30 degrees with the other kids clothes and only wash bed clothes when baby has been sick!  

Otherwise it falls in the general house rules of one wash a week! 

______________________

Baby One :

Buy every lotion, potion and gimic you can afford. 

Baby Five :

Olive oil for cradle cap, lavender oil in the bath rather than the £10 bottle of lavender scented baby bath cream.   

Oh, and FYI, Calpol is exactly the same as the own brand baby paracetamol but triple the price. 

_____________________

Baby One :

Two weeks post birth spent in hibernation.

Baby Five :

School run six hours later.


___________________

Baby One:

Panic over the ‘ right ‘ time to start your baby on solids. 

Baby Five:

Disregard the professionals and as soon as baby isn’t getting satisfied by milk the porridge comes out.


______________________

Baby One :

Toddler groups three mornings a week. 

Baby Five:

Organising coffee mornings around what coffee shop has  the best ‘kids area ‘ 

______________________

Baby One :

Never take the babies to McDonald’s! They will only eat healthy, organic food including their 5-a-day until they are 9!

Baby Five :

Tried McDonald’s by nine months and even substituted the fruit for an apple strudel.

______________________

Baby One :

6.30pm bedtime,  no excuses. Boom!

Baby Five :

It’s 8pm and the baby is watching Fresh Prince with the older kids. 

If the house is quiet why rock the boat? 


____________________

Baby One :

Plan toilet training like it is a military operation.

Baby Five :

Forget to put a nappy on the baby and realise after two days he has been using the potty in the corner. 

______________________

Baby One :

At one month old, researching primary schools, high schools and universities so that my angels can become the next prime minister, doctor or lawyer.

Baby Five :

Now looking at high schools for real for the older kids.

Primary school is already planned under the sibling rule and ive actually realised,  as long as they are happy and have good support, who cares what they are when they are older. 

_______________________

Baby One :

Baby gates everywhere! Can’t possibly risk baby falling down the stairs. 

Baby Five :

Teach baby how to climb down stairs safely before he can even walk. 

________________________

Baby One :

Worry at 2pm that baby hasn’t had lunch and stop everything to make sure they have a suitable meal. 

Baby Five :

At 2pm wonder if the two ginger biscuits and a mouthful of mud he had at the park is ok to pass for lunch.


______________________

Baby One :

Perfect changing bag packed and full of baby necessities at all times.  

Baby Five :

Two nappies in one pocket and baby wipes and a dummy in the other and off we go! 

_________________________

Baby One :

If the baby starts creating in a restaurant,  stick by your guns,  ride the tantrum out and beam with pride when you win and other diners are patting you on the back. 

Baby Five :

Baby creates in a restaurant and you pass them the lemon from your g&t, a left over rib, order a chocole brownie or do just about anything they want just to shut them up…..then roll your eyes at the disapproving diners! 😂


 

Family Movie Nights 🎥

​Who doesn’t love Disney movies!? I could watch them day after day…… 

Oh, hold on,  that’s exactly what i have been doing for the last nine years! 
Given my babies ages (11 months. 5, 7 and two 9 year olds) I have been on the ‘disney, cebebeies, baby TV and Mr bloody Tumble’ channel for nearly a decade. 
So,  people may judge me when they hear i have been embracing the twins impending teenage years by introducing them to some of MY favourite movies. 
Some have been a hit, some haven’t, some appropriate, some maybe not,  but I’ve had a blast sharing my old favs with them. 
Pauly Shore is a bit of an unknown name in the UK, but growing up,  his movies were amongst some of my favourites. 

California Man, Bio-dome, son in law and In the Army Now are great movies for my boys.  They think he is one of the funniest people alive (besides Mr Bean). 

 
Stand by Me was our Friday night movie recently.   

It was a really lovely evening as Mike and I were as excited to sit down and watch it as they were. 


They found it quite emotional (when Gordie’s brother dies and when they tell stories about their family lives) but the ‘leech scene’ and all the swearing made up for it! 

FYI,  a little trivia I found out while writing this blog, did you know,  Vern in Stand by Me has grown into Jerry O’connell, who has been in Scream 2, Mistresses, Billions and Jerry Maguire! Who’d have guessed that! 


I don’t worry about them watching movies that use profanity anymore.    They know what they are allowed to say and what they aren’t and I trust their manners….

Plus, they probably hear worse at home anyway! 
Beetlejuice is now on their favourite list aswell as mine, along with Goonies, National Lampoons Vacation, Big, The Great Outdoors,  Overboard, The Ernest Movies,  Gremlins, Jaws, Mannequin, Parenthood, Return to Oz…I could go on. 
One choice that was very controversial in our house, and, I won’t lie, was Mikes choice for a movie night.  

His all time favourite movie,  FOREST GUMP!!!!
Now,  this movie is PG rated which was his argument for letting Mikey and Harri watch it. 

However,  I don’t think he took into account the various scenarios this movie involves. 

I found it the most painful 6 hours of my life (that is how long the movie goes on for isn’t it?  No? It f#@king felt like it!) 
Cringing at every scene i knew would be followed by an awkward question 

‘ mum why is Forest making funny noises after his teacher visits his mum ‘

‘urgh why is jenny making him touch her boob!?’

‘ why is jenny running away from her dad?’

But, the boys absolutely loved it,  Harrison asks me daily to watch it again. 

The adult themes went over their head but the emotional rollercoaster really swept them away. 

They are memorised with the whole movie,  Forest, his relationships with family and friends,  his comic manner, his constant need to please,  protect and love. 

I feel,  in hindsight,  it was a great movie choice for them that taught them things I certainly couldnt.
And it opened the door for me to test some other movies such as Olympus has Fallen,  London has fallen,  San Andreas, Outbreak 😱, Salt, Planet of the Apes.

So in short, now. When we have ‘a family movie night ‘ I can be in the room with them mentally aswell as physically, watching with general interest rather than staring blankly at the TV because I’m watching Toy Story, Frozen or Horrid ba#@ard Henry for the 1000th time! 
Don’t worry George…… I’ll still sit through all the crap for you 😘

Rumbled! 

​So this weekend something happened that will change my sex life for the next 20 years. 


After telling the kids to ‘shhhhhhh’ for the 58th time in the six berth camper we had hired for the weekend, finally silence fell.

…..until Harrison asked loudly, in a disgusted tone:

‘urgh, are you two having  S….E……X!? Because of you are having  S…..E……X. You need to stop.  It’s just gross, with your kids here,  close those curtains,  this is grossing me out!’
😱😰😳😩😫😭
What the fu#k!? Firstly we actually were not having sex, any grunting noises had come as a result of me clambering up the shit#ing ladder to get into the coffin style bed above the drivers seats.
Secondly, the space from our bed to the ceiling was about half a foot, i could barely turn over let alone anything else!! 
Thirdly…..I was too tired 😜  
So the next morning I questioned harri on what is S….E…..X? 

His answer….

‘its when a man and lady are naked in bed, kissing and making noises’


Day three he wake up and he asks:

‘ who was rocking the caravan last night?’
I had to think on my feet.
‘oh,  i thought you were asleep (true!)  there were some naughty boys outside pushing our caravan.  Did you hear dad go out and shout at them?’
‘no, but thank God for that,  I thought it was you two having S….E….X.  i hope those boys don’t come back tonight! ‘
No fear of that son…they have well and truley got the message😒

So we are now looking for locks to put on our bedroom door and I’m trying to work out how to approach the proper birds and bee’s talk with them …..wish me luck! 

The moment all mums wait for

Dear George,

My gorgeous baby boy.

I carried you for nine months

I was sick for you

I gave up booze for you

I missed a holiday in Vegas for you

I watched Mike and other friends party while I sat on the side,  fat and uncomfortable for you

After spending a year losing 3 stone, I put half back on, for you

I got new stretch marks for you

I went through labour for you

I had piles for you

I breastfed constantly for four months (bye bye boobs) for you

I woke up every night to feed and settle you,  for you

I’ve changed every nappy, despite its colour, stench or consistency, for you

This morning,  after seven months of watching you blossom and being your absolute everything,  it happened,  your first word……..

DADDA!!!!!!!!!

What a fu#king liberty!!!!!