My Mumcation

My Mumcation

Psychologists have suggested that mothers should take holidays with friends, not family – and this includes leaving the children behind. Experts are urging tired mothers to go on “mum-cations”, holidays without their offspring, to take a proper break.‘ With this in mind, me and three of my closest girlfriends booked a ‘mumcation’ to Vilamoura for a few days in October. A few people asked me if the weather was going to be any good in Portugal that time if year, as if we were crazy not to follow the blazing sun. These people had totally missed the point of a mumcation. Of corse good weather would be preferable, but honestly, if i could go to the toilet on my own, sleep without someones foot digging in my boobs and sit down by a pool without worrying who is going to drown/get abducted or piss off fellow vacationers, I would be a happy girl. This weekend was more than a girls weekend, It was therapy and It gave me a chance to really relax and unwind. When you become a mum your life revolves around these little people (rightly so), but we all need to keep our individual identity and take time out for ourselves, it is a huge factor to how I cope as a mum. Whether it is a night out with Mike, drinks with the girls or a shopping trip entirely on my own, it is my time out. It is my chance to clear my head of football training, horse riding, boxing, school pick up, kids parties, laundry, dinner etc and focus on me. The morning we left I felt a complete mixture of emotions. I have been away on my own before, but not abroad since our two youngest have been born. Let me picture the morning I left for Portugal for you….. ‘George, Arthur, come here, give me a kiss, I am going to miss you so much’ *GEORGE EMPTIES BUCKET OF LEGO ON MY BEDROOM CARPET* ‘FFS George!!! This is why i need a break’ ‘George I am sorry, come here and give me a kiss’ *ARTHUR POURS THE CONTENTS OF MY COLD COFFEE OVER MY BED* ……..’Rosie, how long are you going to be? I know the flight is in 8 hours but we dont want to risk missing it’ From the moment Rosie picked me up to when she dropped me back to my door four days later, I did not stop laughing! We talked about everything, nothing was off the table. We talked about our kids, our partners and our friends, we discussed designer vaginas, sex and how to make a Wood pigeon call with your tounge. We did eachothers make up and hair and shared eachothers clothes. We people watched and ate great food (without a high chair or childrens menu in sight!) We shared secrets and drank, we drank lots! We danced every night until the early hours and the one day the weather was bit ‘meh’ we found a great shopping mall and we shopped. I picked up a couple of treats for the kids snd a little something for me…. (do you like my new boots?) I managed to read a whole book! From start to finish, in one weekend. If you don’t have kids, this may seem ridiculous, if you do you kids, well, you know. Guess what else I did? And I haven’t done this since I was about 21….. I had an afternoon nap! A siesta if you will. Not because I had just given birth or because I dozed off breast feeding a baby, but because I consciously chose to! Another thing. I have never enjoyed a hangover so much. Knowing you can eat, drink and sleep your way through it without having to make food for little ones, read stories and change nappies makes a hangover so much easier to bear. I can only describe the weekend as Bad Moms meets The Hangover with a drizzle of bridesmaids. It was bliss…utter bliss and I owe my girls so much for being the perfect friends. Their laid back natures ment there were no tantrums, no arguments and by the time we were due to come home I felt so ready to see Mike and the kids and be ‘mum’ again. I urge you to try it! Book something up! It doesnt have to expensive, it doesnt have to be abroad. A weekend in Portugal cost us £250 each (plus spending money). Easyjet flights were £150 return from Gatwick to Faro and our apartment at The Dom Pedro Portobelo was right on the marina where all the bars and restaurants are. It comfortably accomodated the four of us and cost £100 each for the four nights. I asked some fellow mum blogger what their opinionon ‘Mumcations’ is, here is what they had to say: Rebecca at www.beccablogsitout.com I haven’t had one and I’m.not sure I could. I’d love to, in theory. I could definitely use a break. But I think I’d feel too guilty if I went away for more than a day without the twins. I think I’d miss them. Jenna at www.thentherewerethree.uk ‘I’ve had some! I met an amazing bunch of ladies on a birth group on Facebook and we arrange a couple of weekend breaks a year. We’ve booked a farmhouse in north wales, various city stays and are going to see the Spice Girls next year. I definitely think they’re needed.’ Francessca at https://frompenniestopounds.com ‘I’ve been on hen do’s and also my honeymoon without my daughter. With the honeymoon we went to Mexico which you can’t just pop over for, but I said I would not go for longer than 10 days. I missed her but she had a great time with her grandparents. I was never close to my grandparents so I’m happy for her to spend time with them. I think it’s healthy for both you and the kids. I always take my daughter away every year now though since splitting up with my ex-husband.’ Gail at www.yammymommy.co.uk ‘Still can’t do more than a night away from my 4 year old. I think we would both struggle after 24 hours!’ Victoria at www.travelvixta.com ‘I haven’t yet, but I think in a couple of years once my youngest is at school then I’d love to go on a yoga retreat by myself! They look like bliss and even now with a 6 year old and 3 year old I feel like I could really do with some time to myself and a break for a few days to a retreat!’

The Alternative Christmas Dinner

The Alternative Christmas Dinner

Every year I say I will buy a few Turkeys to rear on the farm for Christmas dinner and every October I realise I have left it too late!

So then, every October /November I spend loads of time researching the best place to buy one. Marks and Spencers? Sainsburys? The local butcher or farm shop? Then I spend my monthly mortgage payment on a premium, amazing bird to feed my fifteen guests.

Now, here is the crazy bit….every year we all have the same conversation just after Christmas… ‘I am not a lover of Turkey’ ‘It is a very dry meat’ ‘It’s tradition though..’ ‘I prefer chicken all day long’

In fact, the only thing that Turkey offers our house at Christmas, which we can not sacrifice is Turkey sandwiches in the evening (which a medium crown will suffice). I have made an executive decision and will NOT be cooking a turkey for our Christmas dinner.

We have taken a few animals to slaughter over the last few weeks so we have a freezer full of beef, lamb and pork. The cuts of meat we have would be worth a fortune if we had to buy them at a butchers.   So this year I am going to cook a Beef Wellington and a leg of lamb for our lunch.

This got me thinking about alternative Christmas Dinners and what other things families serve up for their grub.

I asked a few fellow bloggers and it seems quite a few people are not too fussed on our traditional Turkey. Here are some suggestions for something different.

Sophie:

‘We go for Ham. There is no waste and we actually enjoy it. Noone in our family really likes turkey so always a bit of a waste!’

www.sophobsessed.com

Ayse:

‘We don’t eat meat so last year I made salmon. I wasn’t too fussed about it and this year we’re just having everything but the meat!’ 

www.arepops.com

Kelly:

‘We are having the Lamb stack from Lidl, as none of us are too fond of Turkey. I will be making stuffed butternut squash for the vegetarian quest and getting a small Turkey crown for my Grandparents, as that would be dangerous grounds if I didn’t !’

Www.reducedgrub.com

Louise:

‘We’re vegetarian and my Mum has always made a mushroom strudel and we’ve carried on the tradition! With all the usual trimmings of course.’

www.pinkpearbear.com

Victoria:

‘I find turkey quite bland so we usually have lamb or salmon.’

www.thegrowingmum.com

Emma:

‘A lovely plump goose and all that tasty skin 😍😍 ‘

www.readyfreddiego.com

Jessica:

‘We are eating out at a restaurant this year so my parents have chosen to have a Chateaubriand. As they said by the time Christmas comes your normally board of turkey ! ‘

Www.beautiesandthebibs.co.uk

Lauren:

‘We are vegetarian so we normally have a mushroom wellington or nut roast 😊’

www.sophiesnursery.com

Elizabeth:

‘My partner doesn’t enjoy Turkey so always has a lamb shank for his Christmas dinner. ‘

www.whererootsandwingsentwine.com

Eva:

‘Nut roast – as I’m vegetarian Husband isn’t but it became now our family tradition at Christmas.’

www.captainbobcat.com

Stevie:

‘My stepdad is Indian, one year we had a curry!’

www.thismummaneedstea.com

Georgina:

‘Quorn family roast and spinach and feta tart is what my family had growing up! ‘

www.geegardner.co.uk

Victoria:

‘Hubby and kids will have chicken breasts (hubby’s choice), but I’m veggie so I’ll just have extra stuffing or a nut roast.  We never cook a turkey here! ‘

www.lyliarose.com

Sarah:

‘If we was in charge of Christmas dinner I imagine I would cook chicken, I can’t stand turkey but everyone seems to enjoy a nice roast chicken! ‘

www.mummycatnotes.com

Siobhan:

‘A lot of our family don’t like traditional roasts, so our tradition is to have a big Irish cooked breakfast on Xmas morning, then party food and snacky bits during the day as everyone pops in and out, then in the evening, a couple of different joints of meat in warm rolls – yum!’ www.passthewineplease.blog

Samantha:

‘We’re not really into turkey so we always have our fave roast dinner meat – a chicken! We also get a big ham or beef joint too. 😊’

www.stressymama.com

Cat:

‘We do normally have turkey but on a couple of occasions we have gone for a rib of beef instead. One of our guests this year hates turkey so I think I will cook a rib of beef again.’

www.pushingthemoon.com

Kimberly:

‘We have a ham every year as hardly any of us like turkey. This year there are lots of us so there will be a goose too ‘

www.oddhogg.com

Wendy:

‘One year I did – IKEA meatballs, sticky chipolatas, fries, loganberry jam, sautéed red cabbage and Daim bar cake – all from the IKEA food shop for less than £20  – it was everyones favourite Christmas! 🙂 ‘

www.daisiesandpie.co.uk

Kati:

‘If I make a Christmas dinner it has to be apple-stuffed duck roast! I find turkey too bland and lean and if I’m going to go all-out, I might as well make it a cardiac arrest on a plate’

www.howtorockatparenting.wordpress.com

Clare:

‘My husband hates turkey he thinks it’s too bland so we compromise with a 3 bird roast normally. We had goose one year and it was so fatty and a pain in the bum to cook we just stick to a 3 bird.  I’m not telling him your having beef Wellington though that would be his preference!!’

www.freddiesmummyuk.wordpress.com 

Michelle:

‘For a few years, we did a Mexican Xmas Day.  Sombreros, Mexican decorations, games and Mexican food/Drink obv. Easier to get food from the supermarket in the rush and loads of fun! ‘

www.seeingRainbows.co.uk

Helen:

‘We have had steak, chips & peppercorn sauce for the past 5 years and love it! So chilled out and no peeling veg! ‘

www.casacostello.com

Jo:

‘I’m a vegetarian, so we don’t have turkey 😉 I make a savoury crumble instead, with loads of veg and cheesy crumble topping, and serve it with roast potatoes. Even my meat eating husband enjoys it!’

www.cupoftoast.co.uk

Liberty:

‘We always do something different. We are half south African and it sounds crazy but last year was brilliant, the lads went out to do the meat – a side of beef stuffed and rolled in foil on the fire (BBQ or braai as we’d call it) in the middle of a UK winter. They loved it and the kids too especially afterwards when we turned it in to bonfire. We added roasted vegetables and potatoes dauphinois to the meal which we’d done in the oven. All in all very little fuss and plenty of fun. ‘

www.libertyonthelighterside.com

Lynette:

‘We will be having chicken or lamb. I haven’t had a turkey Christmas dinner for about 20 years. I don’t really like turkey and I definitely don’t trust myself to cook it well. I know it would end up like the one in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’

www.reclusivefox.com

Charlotte:

‘One year we decided to have Christmas dinner out and I had roast pigeon! It was actually amazing and a welcomed change!’

 Www.themummytoolbox.com

Kelly:

‘We often have beef and I have a friend who lets everyone choose and so the kids pick fish fingers!’

www.thebestversionofkelly.com

Victoria:

‘We have a buffet with lots of elements from Spanish cuisine to reflect the Other Half’s heritage. ‘

www.starlightandstories.com

Sally:

‘Goose, pheasant, duck we’ve had them all as my family have never been huge turkey fans’

Www.motherand3sons.com

Natalie:

‘My cousin does turkey pasta because none of her family like a turkey roast. Sounds grim but she roasts the turkey, takes the meat off & turns it into a delicious pasta bake!’

www.crummymummy.co.uk

Sarah:

‘We’re doing a joint of beef this year.i will miss the turkey sandwiches though!’😂

www.digitalmotherhood.com

Christy:

‘This year we are having a three bird game roast – partridge, pheasant and pigeon! You may think eating pigeon is a bit weird but it’s actually a really delicate meat with a lot of flavour.’

www.welshmum.co.uk

Helen:

‘We tend to alternate, one year might be a rib of beef and a ham, other it will be a turkey. I’m not a huge fan of turkey so it’s a nice change for me. Important as I tend to be the cook!’

www.welshmumwriting.com

Our day at Godstone Farm

Our day at Godstone Farm

I have been visiting Godstone farm since I was Georges age. Over the years it has just got better and better, whilst keeping hold of it orginal charm that makes me so nostalgic. So last week, I made the brave decision to take ALL my children for a visit. Even though we live on a farm, there is nothing like a day out at Godstone Farm.  We are so fortunate that it is just fifteen minutes from us. Considering it was the middle of the summer holidays, it was relatively quiet, which helped me stay sane. The farm is divided into areas that makes it easy to explore. They have all the animals you would hope to see on a farm.  Horses, donkeys, pigs, goats, llama and cows. They have a wonderful selection of birds and smaller animals. Chickens, turkeys, geese and ducks, rabbits, ferrets and guinea pigs aswell as a few reptiles. Activities are ran throughout the day such as animal talks and feedings. Have you ever watched Pig and feret racing?  The kids loved it! I had to giggle when the boys announced, on seeing the piglets… ‘Look mum, this pig has more babies than you!’ -yep, she looks in better shape to! Always a magical part of the day is the barn where you can hold the babies and small animals. They have baby chicks of different ages, rabbits and tortoises. Aswell as making sure no little darlings throw the chicks across the barn, Godstone farm employees are on hand to answer any questions the kids have. My kids loved this area, particularly George. Lets talk about the outdoor play area that gets even the adult visitors excited. The playground alone is worth the enterance fee. (How amazing is this swing!?) It has everything from zip wires and large slides for the older kids (and adults), to a sand pit, climbing frames and ride-ons for the younger ones. It is perfect to plot up and have a picnic, but, if like me you are not that organised, they have a sandwhich hut serving coffee, tea, cold drinks and ice cream. We spent about two hours here, and I still had to drag the kids away kicking and screaming! If the weather is bad, There are also two covered play areas. One is a huge soft play area set up in one of the large barns.  The other area is smaller with a climbing area and slide, set up for younger children After wearing George out in the play area we headed to the Dino Trail. Dotted around a path, and looking over the llamas, at the bottom of the farm are large model dinosaurs.  Each one is accompanied with facts on the animal. With a toddler and an eight year old obsessed with dinosaurs, this was a great suprise! Who knew that a baby T-Rex could have been born with feathers? We ended our day in the large sandpit for younger children with a portion of chips and an ice cream. I spent most of my time here wrestling George as he tried to take every tractor toy in the sandpit away from the other tots.  Always making time for a trip to the shop, the boys bought some water toys to play in the sun. Apart from all the activities, I was impressed with the general appearence of the farm. The landscaping is beautiful, the facilities were clean and there were plenty of hand washing points. We had a great day at Godstone Farm.  As always, it provided a fun and educational day outdoors, enjoying the great British summer. For more information, please visit http://godstonefarm.co.uk/ *I recieved free tickets in return for this review. However, as always, all my opinions are entirely honest and without biased.

Our Day at Drusillas

Our Day at Drusillas

We have been fortunate to visit a few special attractions around the South of England this Summer. When I have asked the kids which one stands out, Drusilla’s Park won hands down. It has been so long since I have been to Drusillas It is nothing more than a vague memory to me.  So when I was asked to give a review of the Park I jumped at the chance. Anyone that I have spoken to about Drusillas has raved about it, so I was really excited to take the kids. A friend of mine, Simin, lives in Eastbourne and has an Annual Membership for Drusillas.  She has been visiting the Park for over fifteen years.  So, apart from a great opportunity to meet up with her and her little girl, I thought it would be handy to go with someone who knows the zoo and can give me a guided tour! Drusillas Park Is located just off the A27 at Ariston. From where we live in Warlingham (just outside of Croydon) it took approximately an hour. The kids usually hate long journeys, but I avoided the motorways and the route took us on a lovely drive through Ashdown Forest. I had always thought Drusillas was a small zoo.  My kids adore animals and learning about different species so I knew I would be earning brownie points on this day out.  What we actually realised on arrival is that Drusillas is so much more than ‘just a small zoo’. The variety of play areas and rides are probably the best I have ever seen!  But, I’ll tell you all about that later. Lets start at the beginning of our day. Car parking was simple and you don’t get charged to park in it.  This shouldn’t be a surprise, but a few of the attractions we have been to over the last six weeks have charged us for parking. Like most of my days out, it started with a coffee.  Coffee is my ‘mama fuel’ to help me mentally cope with the day ahead.  Not only to make sure I don’t loose one of my six children, but to make sure I can keep an enthusiastic, ‘Balamory style’ attitude throughout the day. Imagine my delight when I was greeted with a Starbucks sign! After my caffeine fix, it was straight onto the animals. The children had been given some activity booklets to complete on the way around the park. I thought they were great because they were kept simple.  The kids had to spot animals listed in the booklet and stamp it accordingly.  This meant it was easy for my younger children to complete, whilst keeping the older ones entertained too. They could also take part in the Zoolympics Challenge.  There were various points around the park where you could test your sporting skills against different animals. Our first stop was Iguanas and Snakes.  The smell was reminiscent of the twins bedroom, so I was keen to move on fairly swiftly, but the kids took in every fact and bit of information available to them. The Farmyard was lovely to mooch around, George loved it and It was so informative.  The older children have been to many farms and have books on most of our animals, yet we all learnt new facts at this section of the park. -Did you know that dairy cows produce 21 litres of milk per day? -Did you know that Donkeys are sometimes kept as pets to keep lawns short? (yea, I suggest swerving that informative can of worms!) -I also learned that despite how I might feel sometimes, I am not built like a carthorse and, at a push, I just about have the strength of a Serval (a giant cat)….I know!? who knew!? You don’t it about me, but I love monkeys!!! I could watch monkeys all day!! So Imagine my delight when our next stop was the capuchins (Marcel from Friends?) Marmosets, Colobus, Squirrel monkeys and Macaques.   There were even more species of Monkeys dotted around the park. In all the years I have visited farms and zoos, I have never encountered Bats until I visited Drusillas. The children and I were fascinated.  We could walk through an enclosed area where the bats were hanging (literally) all around us.  I grew up next to woodland and we would see the shadows of bats regularly during the summertime, but it was a completely different experience to see them up close. New arrivals at Drusillas this year are the Giant Anteaters, and how amazing are they! (and, FYI, nothing like ALF!) The park has over one hundred different animal species and I am not going to go through every one, but amongst some of our favourites were Beavers, Porcupines, Sloths, Camels and Penguins. I loved seeing the Flamingos, (and not just so that I could use that cute sticker on Insta Stories!) They are so beautiful and pink…. I am working on mike to let me have a flock on the farm….what do you reckon my chances are!? Another highlight of our day was our walk through Lemurland.  This is an enclosure where you can walk amongst the Lemurs and watch them jump across your path or if you are really lucky, they might even land on you! The Go-Wild play area was exactly as it is described…Awesome Play.  It was every child’s dream and with a separate area for younger children, it had something for all ages. The kids spent over an hour in this part of the park.  If they had their way they would have spent all day there! The photos don’t do Go-Wild justice.  I couldn’t possibly get a shot with everything included! But, there was still so much to see so we had to drag them away from Go-Wild and head for the Get-Wet water park. Simin had text me the night before to tell me to make sure I brought the kids swimming cosies and towels.  Now I don’t want to appear a whinge, but when you are getting ready to take six children out for the day something has to give.  On this occasion I forgot the swimsuits! Luckily, it was such a hot day It didn’t stop Libby and George from having a great time jumping in and out of the fountains and water sprays.Go Safari! is Drusillas new attraction which only opened this year.  It is an area of the park made up of three rides.  They provide perfect thrills for younger children (my two and ten year olds enjoyed them). The Hippopotobus, The Flying Cheetahs and The Safari Train which takes you on an adventure around the whole park. Drusillas has a great Park Maze. We all had great fun getting lost and trying to find our way out.  I kept George safely on my shoulders the entire time we were in there.  Those of you who follow my blog and Instagram will understand why! #Georgethemenace Hello Kitty Secret Garden is a lovely area with three more childrens rides.  The exciting 25ft hooper, a ride where you are bounced up and down.  The tea cups which, need no explanation and the Kitty car ride where you go on a magical journey through Hello Kittys Garden. Stop at Hello Kittys House.  The girls met The Puss herself, Hello Kitty, and you can indulge with a pamper at her ‘Parlour’.  Children (or adults if you so wish!) can have their face painted, temporary tattoos and hair braids (at cost). On this occasion I was organised and took a packed lunch with us. Therefore, I can not comment on Drusillas eateries but they all appeared clean and inviting (and the coffee was great😉) The facilities were good and you were never too far from a toilet (which is always handy with six children!) Harrison can not go anywhere without playing a shoot-me-up game so he was not dissapointed. And, if we hadnt run out of time they would have liked a go on the climbing wall. Drusillas have Keeper Talks and Animal feeding at regular times during the day and they have loads of events on throughout the year.  I would definitely recommend heading over to their website www.drusillas.co.uk We had such a great day!  The weather was glorious, but I can imagine we would have enjoyed it regardless. On our way home from Drusillas, Mikey asked if he could go back and ‘be a keeper for the day’ for his birthday……I am certainly going to look into it. If I have convincedyou to take a trip to Alfriston to visit Drusillas, let me know what you think. And, as always, Please share with your friends and followers 😘 I recieved free entry to Drusillas in return for this post. All of my opinions are completly honest and unbiased.

Leeds Castle

Leeds Castle

Rosie and I took the kids (all eight of them!) to Leeds Castle in Kent during half term. It was our first proper visit (we went along one, cold evening four years ago to watch Frozen on the castle lawn).I absolutely love a mooch around a Castle or historical house and I love taking in the beautiful grounds. I always picture what It might have been like to live there during the various periods of history. Who owns it now? How do they keep it looking so beautiful? How many bottles of wine could you store in that wine celler!? (And Leeds Castle definatly has the BEST wine celler!)It was a stunning Autumn afternoon and we had such a fantastic day that words can not do it justice. I am going to let our photos explain……Leeds Castle has lots to do for the children, not least climbing trees and finding secret dens. It was Halloween when we visited and they had lots of spooky activities to enjoy. There is a wonderful playground area, maze and lots of activities from archery to dressing up as a knight. The children loved exploring the castle and filling in all the activity sheets they had been given. They have been learning about British History at school so they loved reading about how Leeds Castle related to Henry V111 and the Second World War. While they were reading about how King Henry VIII did a ‘changing rooms’ on the castle to impress and gift his wife Catherine of Aragon, I listened eagerly to the stewards who explained to me that in more recent years part of the castle was converted into a cinema and areas to entertain friends (jelous much!?).I have asked Mike to take me back for a romantic ‘date day’.  The strolls, the atmosphere and the stunning architecture would make a beautuful day out with a loved one (or first date?). I have never seen such beautiful gardens and the wildlife is everywhere. I am looking forward to visiting again in December and enjoying the Christmas  festivities with Mike and the children.Please share my post for anyone who might enjoy a beautiful day out at this Kent treasure. For more information on Leeds Castle and its wonderful, seasonal treats, take a look at their website https://www.leeds-castle.com

Do kids see race?

Do kids see race

Barack Obama tweeted recently ‘No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin or his background or his religion……’ I am starting to wonder if, as well as pure ignorance, has political correctness contributed to Racism. Obama is right, so at what age do you start noticing and worrying about racism? My ten and eight year old sons were sitting in the back of the car with a friend of theirs who is mixed race. Amongst the shouting and laughing coming from the back seat, I heard one of my sons say ‘you’re so black…..you….’ He couldn’t finish because I hit my brakes, pulled over and totally lost my head.  I started going into a rant about how I hadn’t brought him up to say things like that. Before I could finish his friend stopped me. ‘Kate, we were just roasting each other! I just said to Harri, you’re so white, you must be invisible when its snows’ I laughed! and I was so relieved. But It made me sit back and think, Am I creating issues about colour that the kids don’t even see. My kids aren’t racist, not even slightly, so why did I go so mad when I heard him say that? Because, to make reference someone’s skin colour in a negative way is racist.  But,  Is it only racist if that person takes offence? As their mum,  it’s my job to make sure they are brought knowing what is right and wrong. I remember when Charlie was at nursery, he had the most wonderful teacher, Mrs Patel.  One day she pulled me to one side to say that another teacher had asked Charlie what he wanted to do.  He asked if the ‘chocolate’ lady could read him another story. I WAS MORTIFIED.  I couldn’t apologise enough. Mrs Patel hadn’t told me out of disappointment.  She thought it was the most wonderful thing she had ever heard! This little three year old was just describing her as best he could and she was nothing but flattered that he enjoyed her reading to him. The Political Correctness that has been bashed into me over the years had almost convinced me that my little boy was showing racist traits at three years old! Right now, my kids see past skin colour, and I’m not going to change that Back to Obamas Tweet……..how cute is George and his fiend Si-si….. What are your thoughts? X

World Mental Health Day 

World Mental Health Day 

Today is World Mental Health Day and, although it feels there is a ‘day’ for just about everything now and Twitter is always trending with one or another, I think this is a really important one to talk about.  

We are all aware we are suppose to be taking care of our bodies.   We take time to go to the dentist, opticians, chiropodist, yet if we are stressed, feeling down or unable to cope we just soldier on.

I am researching children and teen mental health and well being for a post I am writing with The Childrens Society. I had never realised how many people suffer with mental health problems. I started to think about friends, family and people I know who have or could be suffering from mental health issues.

I thought back to a school friend who battled with his sexuality and felt so down that he tried to take his own life. I thought of a friend whos dad was so depressed he felt he had no way out, leaving my friend fatherless. I thought of a good friend of mine who suffered badly with PTS as a result of his time served in The Falklands. I thought of my nan and how I watched her deteriorate from Alzheimer’s. I thought of bloggers I know who suffer with such bad anxiety that they find it a near impossible to leave their house.

It was while thinking about different forms of mental health, from post traumatic stress to post natel depression, dementia to bi-polar to stress, depression and anxiety, that I realised I was overlooking my own experiences with mental health problems, albeit not as serious or obvious as some.

I think it would suprise alot of people to know I suffer with anxiety.

I know what you are thinking…. Thats no suprise with sic children.  But it started way before the kids came along.

It first started at Primary school.

I started  suffering with terrible shortness of breath. I always found it really hard to explain to my mum and dad, but it was like I was breathing in, but no air was getting into my lungs. Once it started, it felt like it would get worse and worse. It could last anywhere from a few minutes to days. I would have to sit outside the headmasters office with a brown paper bag and practice slow, deep breathing into it.

Mum took me to the doctor and I was tested for asthma but all the tests came back normal.

I never really talked about it again for years, I would just try to get through it by trying to take my mind off it.  Sometimes that worked and sometimes I would end up in a panic and crying. Then, towards the end of primary school I developed a twitch. My nose would screw quickly like Samantha  from bewitched…..only I wasnt casting a spell!

We put it down to my fringe being too long and tickling my nose, so I grew it out. But the twitch didnt go, so we put it down to habbit as a result of the twitch from my fringe.  It sounds crazy now but It never occured to me that it could be anything more.

So, here I was, going through my teens, suffering with shortness of breath and a nervous twitch (as we called it)…. I was a right sort 😉

The shortness of breath was never constant.  I could go months without suffering from it, then, out of the blue it would hit me. I would go into a panic and have practice my ‘mind over matter’ technique.

Things finally got to a point in 2009 when I went back to the doctors, desperate for help.

I was staying in France with the Mikey, Harri and Charlie (who was about 10 months).

Mike had gone to portugal with some friends and was going to fly from Faro to France to meet up with us.

The whole time I was in France on my own my shortness of breath was unbearable.  I couldnt concentrate on anything and I felt like I was in a constant state of panic.

As a young mum (25) all sorts of things went through my head. Maybe I have lung cancer….. What if its my heart…..

Once Mike arrived at the cottage to spend the rest of the holiday together the shortness of breath dissapeared and I felt ‘normal’ again. He would wind me up (and still does) that I just cant bare to be apart from him – trust me, thats not true!

With the fear it might return as badly as it had in France I booked an appointment with my Doctor.

I sat and explained everything to him.  I told him all about the asthma tests when I was a kid to the horrible feelings in France.

He said with no uncertainty ‘You are suffering with stress and anxiety’

I laughed it off and explained to him that I was not stressed! In fact, I was completely laid back and never got stressed, thats what I was known for! Laid back, easy going Kate- always smiling and never stressed.

Apparently I was the perfect candidate for anxiety.  He told me that because I am never outwardly stressed, my body deals with it in different ways. In my case, through shortness of breath, my rabbit-like twitch and small panic attacks.

I left his office feeling relieved but also confused.

I was relieved that i wasnt dying! But confused as to how I didn’t know myself that I had been suffering with anxiety all these years.

As time has gone on it has become more obvious to me. I can almost predict when the episode will start. Flights and holidays…..a month or so before I will start feeling jittery. My breathing gets deeper as my shortness of breath kicks in and Mike and friends will comment on my twitch getting worse. My close friends will even ask me whats on my mind as they will know from my twitch how high my anxiety is. Sometimes my twitch gets so bad it gives me a headache as my whole face contorts.

Big events, weddings, parties and nights out will start me off. My dad was very poorly a couple of years ago and that sent my anxiety to a whole new level.

The last two months have been a challange aswell.  Mike has been working away and we have been trying to choose a high school for the boys. In fact, writing this has made me very aware at how anxious I am feeling right now.

There is no cure or immidiate fix that I know of and I count my blessings that my anxiety is not as debilitating as some people. I have learned how to cope in my own way.  I still practice mind over matter, a little like meditation and sometimes i will try to busy myself with something else. If it is really bad I will run a bath with a few drops of lavender and ylang-ylang oil and soak for a while…. that usually calms me down a bit. Sometimes nothing works and I just have to ride it out.

So, mental health can come in all sorts of forms and you never know who might be suffering.  That is why tolerance and understanding is a great quality to practice. Mental health problems are certainly not something we can control or just ‘get over’.

Everyone who knows me will probably be suprised that I suffer with this,  It is not something I tend to talk openly about, maybe I should. I certainly do not feel crazy or ill, but I have learned to try and listen to my body and when it tells me to chill out I try to do just that.

And luckily Mike has always found my twitch cute thank god!

Thanks for reading guys…..that was as good as a therapy session!

I would love to hear your experiences with mental health and anything you can suggest to keep anxiety at bay.

Please share awareness for World Mental Health Day

Love ya

Kate

Xxxx

Life with an eleven year old ‘gamer’

Life with an eleven year old 'gamer'

I really didn’t expect to have to deal with my children being influenced from an outside source as young as eleven years old.

We haven’t even started high school. Yet, here I am, trying to tackle my son, who, up until five moths ago was a polite, calm, laid back kid who’s biggest problem was finding matching sock in the morning and throwing the odd strop bcause I hadn’t stockedthe cupboards up with enough chocolate biscuits.
Then, like an unwelcome guest who moved in and took over our lounge (and wifi)…. Fortnitearrived!
Before then he would take or leave the computer. He would play ten minutes here, half an hour there and then lose interest.
H originally ‘sold’ Fortnite to me as a free game that he can play with his school friends, I agreed that he could download it. Since then, parenting my Fortnite obsessed son has turned me into an skilled negotiator, lowered my mental age to 11 to try to understand/sympathise with him and brought out my inner ‘Mrs Trunchball’.
I get it. I remember being obsessed with Mario Kart and Sonic the hedgehog when I was his age. My brother and I would play for hours and hours if we were allowed (which we weren’t).
The big difference is that I wasn’t accessible to anyone online and once the game was purchased, no further expenses were incurred.
Fortnite is ingenious, they have created a game with an online community which creates a constant link to friends (and strangers) as well as offering a so called ‘free’ game but that you have to constantly buy bolt ons for.
I have moaned about the game, I have had screaming matches with my son, I have tried to reason with him, it has been an exhausting few months and I know I am not alone.
H would get back from school and put his headphones straight on.
He sulked when I ask him to switch it off.
He threw tantrums if the internet was slow because it made the game ‘lag’.
His general attitude was shameful and I was not ready for this ‘Kevin’ stage, (certainly not until he is at least 13!
Apart from the change in his attitude, I was concerned about the dangers. My husband has friends that play this game! Without realising it H has been playing in online groups that adults have been in.
 
It was Piers Morgan of all people who I felt gave me the kick up the arse I needed.
There was a section on Good Morning Britain about Fortnite and it’s effects on children.
We heard about children who were wetting themselves rather than stopping the game (you can not pause Fortnite). They also announced that Fortnite is the first game that has resulted with a child being referred for counseling on the NHS.
So Piers, rather than just object to the game, put the blame firmly at the parents feet.
My first reaction was anger. This game has been expressly designed to hook and addict my child and I was trying my hardest to keep my preen in line.
The family counsellor who was a guest on the show said ‘Parents are trying to hard to be liked by their children, they are too scared to upset them’
That sounded so familiar and then I realised, I had become the mum I never thought I would be…..the mum that puts being her child’s friend in front of discipline, safety and respect.
I made H watch the segment. He saw for himself what the majority of parents were thinking.
All the children are telling their parents, ‘Jonnys mum lets him play when he wants’
‘Billys mum lets him play longer than you let me’
When actually, that’s all rubbish! We are trying to enforce rules and the kids are (embarrassingly) manipulating us.
I asked him what he thought was a reasonable amount of screen time each day. We agreed on 45 minutes on a week day (after chores and homework is done) and 1.5 hours at the weekends.
So far this has been working brilliantly.
We have also sat down together and watched the story of Breck Brednar, a school boy that lived near to us.
He was groomed for over a year by a lad in his gaming community. Despite his parents concerns and warnings, he was tragically murdered at 14 years old by the 17 year old boy.
Watching the documentary was a big turning point.
Listening to Brecks mum recall how she tried so hard to reason, explain, sanction Breck because she knew the dangers there could be online, was heart breaking. To then watch Breck ignore his parents concerns, just like H had been doing to us, and to seewhat tragedy has resulted was a wake up call for me, my husband, H and his brothers.
So much so that my husband ran the London Marathon this year for The Breck Foundation. http://www.breckfoundation.org
H has a new attitude to the computer now, and I still know it is an on going battle, but for now it is one we are winning! I would love to know about your experience with your child and gaming.
I asked a few fellow bloggers how they deal with this and limit screen time with their children:
My son has an hour per day. And if he starts shouting at the screen, it gets turned off straight away.
My son had his first Xbox for his 9th birthday in December. Honestly? We just let him monitor his own screen time and after hammering it for a few months, he’s got bored of it. He will have the odd hour here and there but as a whole it’s fizzled out.
I allow our daughter some screen time on the iPad as some down time before dinner or on long car journeys. She knows she’s limited to 30minutes and is only allowed on certain apps. We make sure she’s not shut away in her room so we are aware of what she’s doing/watching.If she’s not behaved well then she doesn’t have it at all. It’s definitely a privilege.
We use an app that blocks the children’s devices after 2 hours of use. Its brilliant as I can set bed times, school hours, outdoor time etc and can also select which apps are blocked at different times. The kids can also earn more screentime by doing extrajobs and since the app manages it all, mum cant be blamed for it running out of time!
We allow an hour after school, it must go off before dinner time and they seem happy with that, it’s letting them know that you are in charge and your rules stand, my son doesn’t play fortnite but does play mine craft with his sister occasionally and I alwaysmake sure to time them and they seem pretty happy coming off when asked.
I allow our daughter some screen time on the iPad as some down time before dinner or on long car journeys. She knows she’s limited to 30minutes and is only allowed on certain apps. We make sure she’s not shut away in her room so we are aware of what she’s doing/watching.If she’s not behaved well then she doesn’t have it at all. It’s definitely a privilege.
I’ve been talking a lot about this today after posting a news article about another 9 yr old having issues.
Despite attempts to demonise one videogame or another, this is really an issue of parents being involved and setting limits. Make an effort to understand the games your children are playing and you’ll be better informed about their suitability.
Many games are rated for content but only parents will know if a child is emotionally mature enough to remain calm whilst playing a competitive game. Parents should set clear time limits and stick to them so that children learn what those boundaries are.
If a child is getting angry or upset while playing, it’s time to turn the game off and come back with a calmer state of mind. If the child can’t stay calm, they are not yet mature enough to be playing it at all.
Kelly-Ann at www.mimiroseandme.com
Use it as a reward. We have daily tasks that she can work towards and if she does well she has an extra ten minutes. Giving them a time limit helps and if she starts to cry or grumpy when I take it away she doesn’t get it the next.
Our two have screen time but I limit them to 60mins maximum a day then they must turn it off and go do a activity away from the screens/ consoles
We don’t have any set times as such for games as such but we do have break rules. After playing a game for half an hour she will come off for a snack or a drink and then go back on if she wants and more often than not she chooses to do something else. We havenever had set restrictions and it works for us. She spends more time drawing and reading than playing games. I think gaming gets really bad stick when in most cases it’s down to parents not understanding the games their children are playing. If parents lookedinto the games their children are playing and supervised them then half of the news stories wouldn’t make the papers because they wouldn’t exist.
We don’t have set screen time they are allowed on when they like but having seven children they don’t get long anyway!! They all know they are not allowed to play any game over their age limit but most of them prefer going to the beach or playing in the paddlingpool at the moment.
Until about 6 weeks ago, we had screen times at set times during the day – 12-1:30 for my eldest (when youngest naps) and then 4pm-5pm while I cook dinner. The TV/screens simply don’t go on outside those times, so my kids are used to it. The last few weeks,however, I’ve also scrapped the late afternoon session because the weathers been so lush they’ve been playing outside anyway! We have a lot of music on during the day.
I don’t give my son limits although he has to come down for all meals and I do every now and then insist he does something else. He has special needs and struggles to go out much so his social life is playing online with his friends and chatting school andstuff at the same time.

Choosing the right Secondary School

Choosing the right Secondary School

I thought about the boys future before they were even born. I looked into primary schools, high schools and nurseries. Obviously, if I was going to raise the next Prime Minister or Richard Branson I was going to have to make sure I made the right decisions with regards to their education. It seemed like it was forever before we would have to make any decisions, yet it has flown by in a blink, and a decade later, here we are.

Throughout the years though, I have realised the most important thing is that they are happy at school. If they are happy the rest should fall into place….right?

Well, that’s what I thought until this year.  With the boys finishing year five in a couple of weeks, and high school choices looming only a few months away, I feel like a huge weight is on my shoulders.

Time has caught up with me and I’m starting to face the reality that there might be more to choosing a secondary school than just making sure the boys are happy.

I was happy at school, too happy. I was happy messing with my friends. I was happy trying out my latest make up technique in science class. I was happy thinking about what lads name I would scribble over my homework book. I was happy planning how to get out of my next PE class. Happiness defiantly didn’t help me knuckle down and get the best GCSEs I could achieve.

I went to my local state secondary school.  It was a good school but like most schools you get out of it what you put in. The expectations never seemed particularly high.  That coupled with my lack of self disapline ment I was a typical ‘doing ok, but could do better’ kid.

Although my life has turned out better than I could have imagined, I know my school days were more of a social education rather than an academic one.

Seventeen years later and I struggle to even help the kids with their homework. I do my nine times table using the ‘finger trick’ and I was convinced my last son shared his name with a historical British King.  Turns out, apparently King Arthur was a legend?!

Please bear this in mind when you read my blog and notice spelling or grammar mistakes 🙈

However, let’s not knock the social skills and enjoyment you need to experience in your teenage years.

I do believe some of the qualities that helped me succeed in my career and help me run our businesses now were created at high school.

With a husband that attended a prestigious private school, we really do have experience at both ends of the British education system.

So this leaves me wondering about the twins. What school would suit them? The big difference between them and me and their dad is that they LOVE learning.

We have taken them to see the school that Mike went too. The building was beautiful and imposing, like Hogwarts, absolutely beautiful. The head masters office was a posh lounge, furnished  with a think cream carpet, a huge fireplace and a large chesterfield sofa. All of this was very impressive but when you are paying £20,000 per year I guess you wouldn’t expect anything less. The children were lovely, the facilities were not unlike the Olympic Park and the exam results spoke for themselves.

People say ‘if a child wants to learn, and they have the support at home they will do well anywhere’….do you agree?

We have looked at our closest local state school and I really liked it. The head mistress seemed strict but fair, she knew all the pupils (three thousand) by name and they seemed to like and respect her. The kids were polite and well presented and the facilities, although not to the standard of the private school, were Impressive.

Mike had a bit of an issue with the dining facilities.  The dining room could barely fit two hundred kids in it.  When he was at school everyone sat down together and ate a civilised lunch.  

I had to give him a lesson in state school lunch etticate. From what I remember, if we were eating in the canteen, it was usually sausage, chips, and beans which you inhaled as quickly as possible to give you time to gossip or flirt on the school field.

Mike wasn’t impressed by this! (Strange considering he became a scaffolder, who usually eat KFC with their feet up on the dash of the lorry!)

It has been quite an eye opener for both of us, learning about each others education.

We are going to look at all the schools again at the open evenings in September. I think, given we are fortunate enough to have great state schools in the area, we will choose one of them. Private school is a huge financial commitment and even if we could afford it, so many sacrifices would have to be made.

Narrowing down the state schools will be hard, they are all good.

All the Ofsted reports are great and when I’ve spoken to parents with kids already at the schools they all seem happy. Realistically there are two that we are in the catchment for. Mikey loves art and drama and Harrison is massivly into sport,  So those subject opportunities will play a big part.

The boys have to have a say aswell.  It’s important to us that they are happy with the choices we make.

Finally, practicality has to come into it.

With four children following them up the ranks I need to know it will be in a location that is practical for us, as a family.  

Not just for the kids, but for me (mum taxi) as well….not always easy when you live on a country lane with no pavement and at least a mile away from the nearest public transport.

My dad has even been researching for me.  I randomly got this text recently.  Anyone that knows my dad won’t find this that surprising 🤣


I asked a few fellow bloggers what they look for when choosing a school.  Here is what they suggest:

“Ask them how they are going to be saving money with the budget cuts. They all have to cut something. Their answers should help you work out if the school is well managed and planning ahead effectively.”

https://falcondalelife.com

“I’d look at whether the children are well behaved, happy and enjoying school. Also what extra curricular activities are on offer. The overall attitude of the school and whether they instill a love of learning in the children. Plus I must admit I’d be looking at results too”

http://www.familymakes.com

“Look at the standards in general: uniform, equipment, facilities… It would give you a good idea of the general atmosphere. Of course, look at the kids and try to feel if they are happy but look also at the teachers! Are they knackered and grumpy? It says a lot about the school Plus of course the Ofsted report! :)” http://thefrenchiemummy.com/top-tips-to-be-a-good-blogger/

“I spoke to parents with children already in secondary school. Are their kids enjoying being at school and doing well in their studies 🙂 Ofsted and open evenings are important too”

https://thedaisypages.com

I really struggled with this and ended up choosing a school where my daughter wouldn’t know a single person. ” https://www.frugalfamily.co.uk/hardest-decision-life/

“It’s not necessarily about secondary schools – more about any school (primary or secondary just the same) if you are choosing for a child that has additional needs”

http://www.rainbowsaretoobeautiful.com/2016/01/sen-choosing-mainstream-school.html

Do you have any tips that will help with our decision?

Lots of love,

A ‘trying to stay relaxed Kate

Baby Led Weaning

Baby Led Weaning

Baby led weaning…..lets talk about this for a moment. This is a new concept for me. All my children were fed straight from a bowl, to their mouths, on a spoon (or sometimes direct from a pouch) by me. When Charlie was younger he choked on everything.  Sometimes he brought it up himself, sometimes he needed a firm pat on the backand, and on one occasion our good friends, (who happen to be a doctor and nurse) had to hang him upside down to help bring up the offending food.  That period of parenting left me mentally scared. After that, Mike and I chopped up his food into the tiniest pieces until he was about seven!!! I had to logically tell myself that if he copes ok at school then I should leave him to get on with it himself at home, but even then I struggled. I carried this paranoia with me during Libby and Georges early years. Even now my heart stops when i see a toddler eating a banana, sausage or a whole grape. And now it is time to wean Arthur and I dont know what to do. Arthur is quite independent and likes to grab the food/spoon himself which can make feeding him a little frustrsting. Lets be honest, with an independent baby, a toddler and four older children, BLW is probably the more convenient and obvious option. I can’t tell you I agree or am doing it to avoid having fussy children or children prone to allergies. All of my five who were weaned ‘traditionally’ are far from fussy.  They eat anything from roast diner (even the brussels) to jamaican hot curries to oysters, cockles, olives and even liver! Food is a big part of our family. We socialise around food, We enjoy eating out, cooking and trying lots of different cuisines and I think that has had a bigger impact on their food choices than how they were weaned (but i am open to suggestion). We have a rule in our house…..you can not say you do not like something or do not want something unless you try it first. Back to BLW, From what I understand, you put a selection of food in front of them and let them feed themselves. I love the concept and it fits in with our family values of encouraging independence and choices. The Problem is my anxiety levels go through the roof at just the thought of it. So recently I compromised and I did let Arthur feed himself…..baby rice and pureed food. I popped Arthur in his highchair and let him loose with the rice and a spoon. Well, i put the spoon in his hand but that was swiftly given to the dog who was waiting patiently by his highchair, then he dived in hands first. The food was in his hair, over the highchair and even inbetween the plastic strap clickers (you know what I mean if you have ever had to clear the aftermath up!) After a mammoth cleaning session and a bath in the kitchen sink I decided to re think my strategy. I am going to try a mummy led dinner again tonight and see how that goes. But I would really like to try more BLW. Does anyone have any tips on what foods are good for babies to eat on their own wihout risking heart failure (mine that is). I feel like after having six babies you are expected to have all the answers, but things change so much and each baby is so different. HELP! I’ll update you with our progress over the next week. Wish me luck!