Kids Football

Kids football

I have recently reflected on the times I watched my brother play football, years ago when I was a kid, it would transform my usually calm and reserved dad into a gobby, uncontrollable mess. This often resulted in my poor brother finishing his match red faced with embarrassment and a little angry. I could never understand why my dad couldn’t keep quiet on the side line…….That is until my own children started playing team sport!  Now, I’m not judging anyone that shouts and screams on the side of the pitch, it turns out I am my father’s daughter and I too get bitten by the over enthusiastic ‘gobby bug’. It’s so hard not to get caught up in your children’s passion, and our encouragement can quickly turn into either disappointment or totally over the top excitement for them.  In fact, I scream and shout but I actually have no idea what I am talking about. I have absolutely no interest in football in general whatsoever. Like a lot of people, I get swept along by the excitement of the big TV matches, but I mainly see it as an excuse to socialize and spend the afternoon with friends. But kids football,  that’s a totally different game,  I LOVE watching it. So, there I am, yelling like a crazy woman at these poor kids who can see straight through the sad mum watching cluelessly from the side line. But watching my son mature on the pitch alongside his friends, watching them celebrate together or otherwise keeping each other’s spirits up when they are losing is a beautiful thing. Making friends with the other parents, and enjoying the buzz you get from watching them together, it’s what youth football is all about. Unfortunately, though, there is a darker side to youth football that I have witnessed over the recent months and years. Parents that are’nt just shouting encouragement at their children, but critizing them in front of their team mates, putting them down and telling them how useless they are playing, or even shouting similar rubbish to the other young players. In some cases this even leads to the children disrespecting their team mates and coaches, bringing a ‘diva attitude’ onto a pitch where it doesn’t belong. Some parents, it seems, use a Sunday afternoon youth football game as an excuse to get totally carried away and act like 1980’s hooligans. I mean, seriously, you’re not in a Danny Dyer movie and you are not a Millwall Bushwacker, this is an Under 10’s footie game in a quiet Surrey suburb. Your child isn’t Wayne Rooney, he is a young lad who wants to enjoy the game he loves with his friends and team mates. Parents fighting at the sideline? screaming at the managers and referees? What sort of example is this setting to the youngsters!? Pathetic behavior like racist and degrading assaults on coaches and other children makes my blood boil. There is no place for any of this in football or any other team sport, especially when children are involved. All it does is re enforce the sometimes quoted opinion that ‘Football is a game for gentlemen, played by hooligans, while rugby is a game for hooligans, played by gentleman’ Luckily this kind of attitude is rare, and although the last few weeks I have had to leave Mike and Grandad to watch most of the Sunday matches, I’m proud to say that overall youth football is such an amazing experience to be part of. my mind it is wonderful watching the kids play as a team, supporting and respecting each other, their opponents and their management. My thanks, support and encouragement go to my boys team, to his coaches and managers and to all the fantastic parents for keeping youth football what it should be……FUN!!!!! Please follow, like and share this post if it has struck a chord with you

Do kids see race?

Do kids see race

Barack Obama tweeted recently ‘No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin or his background or his religion……’ I am starting to wonder if, as well as pure ignorance, has political correctness contributed to Racism. Obama is right, so at what age do you start noticing and worrying about racism? My ten and eight year old sons were sitting in the back of the car with a friend of theirs who is mixed race. Amongst the shouting and laughing coming from the back seat, I heard one of my sons say ‘you’re so black…..you….’ He couldn’t finish because I hit my brakes, pulled over and totally lost my head.  I started going into a rant about how I hadn’t brought him up to say things like that. Before I could finish his friend stopped me. ‘Kate, we were just roasting each other! I just said to Harri, you’re so white, you must be invisible when its snows’ I laughed! and I was so relieved. But It made me sit back and think, Am I creating issues about colour that the kids don’t even see. My kids aren’t racist, not even slightly, so why did I go so mad when I heard him say that? Because, to make reference someone’s skin colour in a negative way is racist.  But,  Is it only racist if that person takes offence? As their mum,  it’s my job to make sure they are brought knowing what is right and wrong. I remember when Charlie was at nursery, he had the most wonderful teacher, Mrs Patel.  One day she pulled me to one side to say that another teacher had asked Charlie what he wanted to do.  He asked if the ‘chocolate’ lady could read him another story. I WAS MORTIFIED.  I couldn’t apologise enough. Mrs Patel hadn’t told me out of disappointment.  She thought it was the most wonderful thing she had ever heard! This little three year old was just describing her as best he could and she was nothing but flattered that he enjoyed her reading to him. The Political Correctness that has been bashed into me over the years had almost convinced me that my little boy was showing racist traits at three years old! Right now, my kids see past skin colour, and I’m not going to change that Back to Obamas Tweet……..how cute is George and his fiend Si-si….. What are your thoughts? X

World Mental Health Day 

World Mental Health Day 

Today is World Mental Health Day and, although it feels there is a ‘day’ for just about everything now and Twitter is always trending with one or another, I think this is a really important one to talk about.  

We are all aware we are suppose to be taking care of our bodies.   We take time to go to the dentist, opticians, chiropodist, yet if we are stressed, feeling down or unable to cope we just soldier on.

I am researching children and teen mental health and well being for a post I am writing with The Childrens Society. I had never realised how many people suffer with mental health problems. I started to think about friends, family and people I know who have or could be suffering from mental health issues.

I thought back to a school friend who battled with his sexuality and felt so down that he tried to take his own life. I thought of a friend whos dad was so depressed he felt he had no way out, leaving my friend fatherless. I thought of a good friend of mine who suffered badly with PTS as a result of his time served in The Falklands. I thought of my nan and how I watched her deteriorate from Alzheimer’s. I thought of bloggers I know who suffer with such bad anxiety that they find it a near impossible to leave their house.

It was while thinking about different forms of mental health, from post traumatic stress to post natel depression, dementia to bi-polar to stress, depression and anxiety, that I realised I was overlooking my own experiences with mental health problems, albeit not as serious or obvious as some.

I think it would suprise alot of people to know I suffer with anxiety.

I know what you are thinking…. Thats no suprise with sic children.  But it started way before the kids came along.

It first started at Primary school.

I started  suffering with terrible shortness of breath. I always found it really hard to explain to my mum and dad, but it was like I was breathing in, but no air was getting into my lungs. Once it started, it felt like it would get worse and worse. It could last anywhere from a few minutes to days. I would have to sit outside the headmasters office with a brown paper bag and practice slow, deep breathing into it.

Mum took me to the doctor and I was tested for asthma but all the tests came back normal.

I never really talked about it again for years, I would just try to get through it by trying to take my mind off it.  Sometimes that worked and sometimes I would end up in a panic and crying. Then, towards the end of primary school I developed a twitch. My nose would screw quickly like Samantha  from bewitched…..only I wasnt casting a spell!

We put it down to my fringe being too long and tickling my nose, so I grew it out. But the twitch didnt go, so we put it down to habbit as a result of the twitch from my fringe.  It sounds crazy now but It never occured to me that it could be anything more.

So, here I was, going through my teens, suffering with shortness of breath and a nervous twitch (as we called it)…. I was a right sort 😉

The shortness of breath was never constant.  I could go months without suffering from it, then, out of the blue it would hit me. I would go into a panic and have practice my ‘mind over matter’ technique.

Things finally got to a point in 2009 when I went back to the doctors, desperate for help.

I was staying in France with the Mikey, Harri and Charlie (who was about 10 months).

Mike had gone to portugal with some friends and was going to fly from Faro to France to meet up with us.

The whole time I was in France on my own my shortness of breath was unbearable.  I couldnt concentrate on anything and I felt like I was in a constant state of panic.

As a young mum (25) all sorts of things went through my head. Maybe I have lung cancer….. What if its my heart…..

Once Mike arrived at the cottage to spend the rest of the holiday together the shortness of breath dissapeared and I felt ‘normal’ again. He would wind me up (and still does) that I just cant bare to be apart from him – trust me, thats not true!

With the fear it might return as badly as it had in France I booked an appointment with my Doctor.

I sat and explained everything to him.  I told him all about the asthma tests when I was a kid to the horrible feelings in France.

He said with no uncertainty ‘You are suffering with stress and anxiety’

I laughed it off and explained to him that I was not stressed! In fact, I was completely laid back and never got stressed, thats what I was known for! Laid back, easy going Kate- always smiling and never stressed.

Apparently I was the perfect candidate for anxiety.  He told me that because I am never outwardly stressed, my body deals with it in different ways. In my case, through shortness of breath, my rabbit-like twitch and small panic attacks.

I left his office feeling relieved but also confused.

I was relieved that i wasnt dying! But confused as to how I didn’t know myself that I had been suffering with anxiety all these years.

As time has gone on it has become more obvious to me. I can almost predict when the episode will start. Flights and holidays…..a month or so before I will start feeling jittery. My breathing gets deeper as my shortness of breath kicks in and Mike and friends will comment on my twitch getting worse. My close friends will even ask me whats on my mind as they will know from my twitch how high my anxiety is. Sometimes my twitch gets so bad it gives me a headache as my whole face contorts.

Big events, weddings, parties and nights out will start me off. My dad was very poorly a couple of years ago and that sent my anxiety to a whole new level.

The last two months have been a challange aswell.  Mike has been working away and we have been trying to choose a high school for the boys. In fact, writing this has made me very aware at how anxious I am feeling right now.

There is no cure or immidiate fix that I know of and I count my blessings that my anxiety is not as debilitating as some people. I have learned how to cope in my own way.  I still practice mind over matter, a little like meditation and sometimes i will try to busy myself with something else. If it is really bad I will run a bath with a few drops of lavender and ylang-ylang oil and soak for a while…. that usually calms me down a bit. Sometimes nothing works and I just have to ride it out.

So, mental health can come in all sorts of forms and you never know who might be suffering.  That is why tolerance and understanding is a great quality to practice. Mental health problems are certainly not something we can control or just ‘get over’.

Everyone who knows me will probably be suprised that I suffer with this,  It is not something I tend to talk openly about, maybe I should. I certainly do not feel crazy or ill, but I have learned to try and listen to my body and when it tells me to chill out I try to do just that.

And luckily Mike has always found my twitch cute thank god!

Thanks for reading guys…..that was as good as a therapy session!

I would love to hear your experiences with mental health and anything you can suggest to keep anxiety at bay.

Please share awareness for World Mental Health Day

Love ya

Kate

Xxxx

Life with an eleven year old ‘gamer’

Life with an eleven year old 'gamer'

I really didn’t expect to have to deal with my children being influenced from an outside source as young as eleven years old.

We haven’t even started high school. Yet, here I am, trying to tackle my son, who, up until five moths ago was a polite, calm, laid back kid who’s biggest problem was finding matching sock in the morning and throwing the odd strop bcause I hadn’t stockedthe cupboards up with enough chocolate biscuits.
Then, like an unwelcome guest who moved in and took over our lounge (and wifi)…. Fortnitearrived!
Before then he would take or leave the computer. He would play ten minutes here, half an hour there and then lose interest.
H originally ‘sold’ Fortnite to me as a free game that he can play with his school friends, I agreed that he could download it. Since then, parenting my Fortnite obsessed son has turned me into an skilled negotiator, lowered my mental age to 11 to try to understand/sympathise with him and brought out my inner ‘Mrs Trunchball’.
I get it. I remember being obsessed with Mario Kart and Sonic the hedgehog when I was his age. My brother and I would play for hours and hours if we were allowed (which we weren’t).
The big difference is that I wasn’t accessible to anyone online and once the game was purchased, no further expenses were incurred.
Fortnite is ingenious, they have created a game with an online community which creates a constant link to friends (and strangers) as well as offering a so called ‘free’ game but that you have to constantly buy bolt ons for.
I have moaned about the game, I have had screaming matches with my son, I have tried to reason with him, it has been an exhausting few months and I know I am not alone.
H would get back from school and put his headphones straight on.
He sulked when I ask him to switch it off.
He threw tantrums if the internet was slow because it made the game ‘lag’.
His general attitude was shameful and I was not ready for this ‘Kevin’ stage, (certainly not until he is at least 13!
Apart from the change in his attitude, I was concerned about the dangers. My husband has friends that play this game! Without realising it H has been playing in online groups that adults have been in.
 
It was Piers Morgan of all people who I felt gave me the kick up the arse I needed.
There was a section on Good Morning Britain about Fortnite and it’s effects on children.
We heard about children who were wetting themselves rather than stopping the game (you can not pause Fortnite). They also announced that Fortnite is the first game that has resulted with a child being referred for counseling on the NHS.
So Piers, rather than just object to the game, put the blame firmly at the parents feet.
My first reaction was anger. This game has been expressly designed to hook and addict my child and I was trying my hardest to keep my preen in line.
The family counsellor who was a guest on the show said ‘Parents are trying to hard to be liked by their children, they are too scared to upset them’
That sounded so familiar and then I realised, I had become the mum I never thought I would be…..the mum that puts being her child’s friend in front of discipline, safety and respect.
I made H watch the segment. He saw for himself what the majority of parents were thinking.
All the children are telling their parents, ‘Jonnys mum lets him play when he wants’
‘Billys mum lets him play longer than you let me’
When actually, that’s all rubbish! We are trying to enforce rules and the kids are (embarrassingly) manipulating us.
I asked him what he thought was a reasonable amount of screen time each day. We agreed on 45 minutes on a week day (after chores and homework is done) and 1.5 hours at the weekends.
So far this has been working brilliantly.
We have also sat down together and watched the story of Breck Brednar, a school boy that lived near to us.
He was groomed for over a year by a lad in his gaming community. Despite his parents concerns and warnings, he was tragically murdered at 14 years old by the 17 year old boy.
Watching the documentary was a big turning point.
Listening to Brecks mum recall how she tried so hard to reason, explain, sanction Breck because she knew the dangers there could be online, was heart breaking. To then watch Breck ignore his parents concerns, just like H had been doing to us, and to seewhat tragedy has resulted was a wake up call for me, my husband, H and his brothers.
So much so that my husband ran the London Marathon this year for The Breck Foundation. http://www.breckfoundation.org
H has a new attitude to the computer now, and I still know it is an on going battle, but for now it is one we are winning! I would love to know about your experience with your child and gaming.
I asked a few fellow bloggers how they deal with this and limit screen time with their children:
My son has an hour per day. And if he starts shouting at the screen, it gets turned off straight away.
My son had his first Xbox for his 9th birthday in December. Honestly? We just let him monitor his own screen time and after hammering it for a few months, he’s got bored of it. He will have the odd hour here and there but as a whole it’s fizzled out.
I allow our daughter some screen time on the iPad as some down time before dinner or on long car journeys. She knows she’s limited to 30minutes and is only allowed on certain apps. We make sure she’s not shut away in her room so we are aware of what she’s doing/watching.If she’s not behaved well then she doesn’t have it at all. It’s definitely a privilege.
We use an app that blocks the children’s devices after 2 hours of use. Its brilliant as I can set bed times, school hours, outdoor time etc and can also select which apps are blocked at different times. The kids can also earn more screentime by doing extrajobs and since the app manages it all, mum cant be blamed for it running out of time!
We allow an hour after school, it must go off before dinner time and they seem happy with that, it’s letting them know that you are in charge and your rules stand, my son doesn’t play fortnite but does play mine craft with his sister occasionally and I alwaysmake sure to time them and they seem pretty happy coming off when asked.
I allow our daughter some screen time on the iPad as some down time before dinner or on long car journeys. She knows she’s limited to 30minutes and is only allowed on certain apps. We make sure she’s not shut away in her room so we are aware of what she’s doing/watching.If she’s not behaved well then she doesn’t have it at all. It’s definitely a privilege.
I’ve been talking a lot about this today after posting a news article about another 9 yr old having issues.
Despite attempts to demonise one videogame or another, this is really an issue of parents being involved and setting limits. Make an effort to understand the games your children are playing and you’ll be better informed about their suitability.
Many games are rated for content but only parents will know if a child is emotionally mature enough to remain calm whilst playing a competitive game. Parents should set clear time limits and stick to them so that children learn what those boundaries are.
If a child is getting angry or upset while playing, it’s time to turn the game off and come back with a calmer state of mind. If the child can’t stay calm, they are not yet mature enough to be playing it at all.
Kelly-Ann at www.mimiroseandme.com
Use it as a reward. We have daily tasks that she can work towards and if she does well she has an extra ten minutes. Giving them a time limit helps and if she starts to cry or grumpy when I take it away she doesn’t get it the next.
Our two have screen time but I limit them to 60mins maximum a day then they must turn it off and go do a activity away from the screens/ consoles
We don’t have any set times as such for games as such but we do have break rules. After playing a game for half an hour she will come off for a snack or a drink and then go back on if she wants and more often than not she chooses to do something else. We havenever had set restrictions and it works for us. She spends more time drawing and reading than playing games. I think gaming gets really bad stick when in most cases it’s down to parents not understanding the games their children are playing. If parents lookedinto the games their children are playing and supervised them then half of the news stories wouldn’t make the papers because they wouldn’t exist.
We don’t have set screen time they are allowed on when they like but having seven children they don’t get long anyway!! They all know they are not allowed to play any game over their age limit but most of them prefer going to the beach or playing in the paddlingpool at the moment.
Until about 6 weeks ago, we had screen times at set times during the day – 12-1:30 for my eldest (when youngest naps) and then 4pm-5pm while I cook dinner. The TV/screens simply don’t go on outside those times, so my kids are used to it. The last few weeks,however, I’ve also scrapped the late afternoon session because the weathers been so lush they’ve been playing outside anyway! We have a lot of music on during the day.
I don’t give my son limits although he has to come down for all meals and I do every now and then insist he does something else. He has special needs and struggles to go out much so his social life is playing online with his friends and chatting school andstuff at the same time.

Choosing the right Secondary School

Choosing the right Secondary School

I thought about the boys future before they were even born. I looked into primary schools, high schools and nurseries. Obviously, if I was going to raise the next Prime Minister or Richard Branson I was going to have to make sure I made the right decisions with regards to their education. It seemed like it was forever before we would have to make any decisions, yet it has flown by in a blink, and a decade later, here we are.

Throughout the years though, I have realised the most important thing is that they are happy at school. If they are happy the rest should fall into place….right?

Well, that’s what I thought until this year.  With the boys finishing year five in a couple of weeks, and high school choices looming only a few months away, I feel like a huge weight is on my shoulders.

Time has caught up with me and I’m starting to face the reality that there might be more to choosing a secondary school than just making sure the boys are happy.

I was happy at school, too happy. I was happy messing with my friends. I was happy trying out my latest make up technique in science class. I was happy thinking about what lads name I would scribble over my homework book. I was happy planning how to get out of my next PE class. Happiness defiantly didn’t help me knuckle down and get the best GCSEs I could achieve.

I went to my local state secondary school.  It was a good school but like most schools you get out of it what you put in. The expectations never seemed particularly high.  That coupled with my lack of self disapline ment I was a typical ‘doing ok, but could do better’ kid.

Although my life has turned out better than I could have imagined, I know my school days were more of a social education rather than an academic one.

Seventeen years later and I struggle to even help the kids with their homework. I do my nine times table using the ‘finger trick’ and I was convinced my last son shared his name with a historical British King.  Turns out, apparently King Arthur was a legend?!

Please bear this in mind when you read my blog and notice spelling or grammar mistakes 🙈

However, let’s not knock the social skills and enjoyment you need to experience in your teenage years.

I do believe some of the qualities that helped me succeed in my career and help me run our businesses now were created at high school.

With a husband that attended a prestigious private school, we really do have experience at both ends of the British education system.

So this leaves me wondering about the twins. What school would suit them? The big difference between them and me and their dad is that they LOVE learning.

We have taken them to see the school that Mike went too. The building was beautiful and imposing, like Hogwarts, absolutely beautiful. The head masters office was a posh lounge, furnished  with a think cream carpet, a huge fireplace and a large chesterfield sofa. All of this was very impressive but when you are paying £20,000 per year I guess you wouldn’t expect anything less. The children were lovely, the facilities were not unlike the Olympic Park and the exam results spoke for themselves.

People say ‘if a child wants to learn, and they have the support at home they will do well anywhere’….do you agree?

We have looked at our closest local state school and I really liked it. The head mistress seemed strict but fair, she knew all the pupils (three thousand) by name and they seemed to like and respect her. The kids were polite and well presented and the facilities, although not to the standard of the private school, were Impressive.

Mike had a bit of an issue with the dining facilities.  The dining room could barely fit two hundred kids in it.  When he was at school everyone sat down together and ate a civilised lunch.  

I had to give him a lesson in state school lunch etticate. From what I remember, if we were eating in the canteen, it was usually sausage, chips, and beans which you inhaled as quickly as possible to give you time to gossip or flirt on the school field.

Mike wasn’t impressed by this! (Strange considering he became a scaffolder, who usually eat KFC with their feet up on the dash of the lorry!)

It has been quite an eye opener for both of us, learning about each others education.

We are going to look at all the schools again at the open evenings in September. I think, given we are fortunate enough to have great state schools in the area, we will choose one of them. Private school is a huge financial commitment and even if we could afford it, so many sacrifices would have to be made.

Narrowing down the state schools will be hard, they are all good.

All the Ofsted reports are great and when I’ve spoken to parents with kids already at the schools they all seem happy. Realistically there are two that we are in the catchment for. Mikey loves art and drama and Harrison is massivly into sport,  So those subject opportunities will play a big part.

The boys have to have a say aswell.  It’s important to us that they are happy with the choices we make.

Finally, practicality has to come into it.

With four children following them up the ranks I need to know it will be in a location that is practical for us, as a family.  

Not just for the kids, but for me (mum taxi) as well….not always easy when you live on a country lane with no pavement and at least a mile away from the nearest public transport.

My dad has even been researching for me.  I randomly got this text recently.  Anyone that knows my dad won’t find this that surprising 🤣


I asked a few fellow bloggers what they look for when choosing a school.  Here is what they suggest:

“Ask them how they are going to be saving money with the budget cuts. They all have to cut something. Their answers should help you work out if the school is well managed and planning ahead effectively.”

https://falcondalelife.com

“I’d look at whether the children are well behaved, happy and enjoying school. Also what extra curricular activities are on offer. The overall attitude of the school and whether they instill a love of learning in the children. Plus I must admit I’d be looking at results too”

http://www.familymakes.com

“Look at the standards in general: uniform, equipment, facilities… It would give you a good idea of the general atmosphere. Of course, look at the kids and try to feel if they are happy but look also at the teachers! Are they knackered and grumpy? It says a lot about the school Plus of course the Ofsted report! :)” http://thefrenchiemummy.com/top-tips-to-be-a-good-blogger/

“I spoke to parents with children already in secondary school. Are their kids enjoying being at school and doing well in their studies 🙂 Ofsted and open evenings are important too”

https://thedaisypages.com

I really struggled with this and ended up choosing a school where my daughter wouldn’t know a single person. ” https://www.frugalfamily.co.uk/hardest-decision-life/

“It’s not necessarily about secondary schools – more about any school (primary or secondary just the same) if you are choosing for a child that has additional needs”

http://www.rainbowsaretoobeautiful.com/2016/01/sen-choosing-mainstream-school.html

Do you have any tips that will help with our decision?

Lots of love,

A ‘trying to stay relaxed Kate

Baby Led Weaning

Baby Led Weaning

Baby led weaning…..lets talk about this for a moment. This is a new concept for me. All my children were fed straight from a bowl, to their mouths, on a spoon (or sometimes direct from a pouch) by me. When Charlie was younger he choked on everything.  Sometimes he brought it up himself, sometimes he needed a firm pat on the backand, and on one occasion our good friends, (who happen to be a doctor and nurse) had to hang him upside down to help bring up the offending food.  That period of parenting left me mentally scared. After that, Mike and I chopped up his food into the tiniest pieces until he was about seven!!! I had to logically tell myself that if he copes ok at school then I should leave him to get on with it himself at home, but even then I struggled. I carried this paranoia with me during Libby and Georges early years. Even now my heart stops when i see a toddler eating a banana, sausage or a whole grape. And now it is time to wean Arthur and I dont know what to do. Arthur is quite independent and likes to grab the food/spoon himself which can make feeding him a little frustrsting. Lets be honest, with an independent baby, a toddler and four older children, BLW is probably the more convenient and obvious option. I can’t tell you I agree or am doing it to avoid having fussy children or children prone to allergies. All of my five who were weaned ‘traditionally’ are far from fussy.  They eat anything from roast diner (even the brussels) to jamaican hot curries to oysters, cockles, olives and even liver! Food is a big part of our family. We socialise around food, We enjoy eating out, cooking and trying lots of different cuisines and I think that has had a bigger impact on their food choices than how they were weaned (but i am open to suggestion). We have a rule in our house…..you can not say you do not like something or do not want something unless you try it first. Back to BLW, From what I understand, you put a selection of food in front of them and let them feed themselves. I love the concept and it fits in with our family values of encouraging independence and choices. The Problem is my anxiety levels go through the roof at just the thought of it. So recently I compromised and I did let Arthur feed himself…..baby rice and pureed food. I popped Arthur in his highchair and let him loose with the rice and a spoon. Well, i put the spoon in his hand but that was swiftly given to the dog who was waiting patiently by his highchair, then he dived in hands first. The food was in his hair, over the highchair and even inbetween the plastic strap clickers (you know what I mean if you have ever had to clear the aftermath up!) After a mammoth cleaning session and a bath in the kitchen sink I decided to re think my strategy. I am going to try a mummy led dinner again tonight and see how that goes. But I would really like to try more BLW. Does anyone have any tips on what foods are good for babies to eat on their own wihout risking heart failure (mine that is). I feel like after having six babies you are expected to have all the answers, but things change so much and each baby is so different. HELP! I’ll update you with our progress over the next week. Wish me luck!

Supporting other parents

Supporting other parents

**WARNING – I have wrote this post with a ten month old on my lap and my two year old bouncing on my legs playing horsey so please excuse any typos, bad grammar or spelling mistakes!****** I have only just started enjoying our lunch dates with the kids again. As soon as George turned fifteen months my usual calm, civilized diners started to resemble a scene out of Jurassic Park. The one where the T-Rex is flipping cars and tearing down fences while the humans watch George flung himself out of the high chair (those wooden ones are beyond pointless!). He would chew food up and then let it spill out of his mouth onto the table while telling me ‘Don’t like it’. Instead of the pasta Arribiata infront of him, he would have his eyes on my moules mariniere (and happily eat every one!). The floor around his seat would have a mixture of food, snapped crayons and napkins scattered everywhere. It was so messy that I would leave the servers a 40% tip out of embarrassment and guilt. If I tried to discipline him at the table, he would scream louder and then would come the disapproving glances from around the restaurant. Considering I took my first four children out all the time, and we would be complimented on how well behaved they were…this was new territory for me. Add a new baby Arthur, who had a healthy set of lungs on him into the mix and eating out became nothing but an anxiety inducing stress-fest! Since November, thankfully things have changed. For a start, George has developed a love for YouTube (yep…and I WILL give him his tablet if It means I can drink my coffee while it is hot!) Also, now he can talk and communicate more his behaviour has taken a huge turn. I would even say eating out with him is enjoyable! The most important thing I learnt about my number five is that ‘No one puts baby in the corner. ‘ He is happier sitting in an adults seat with the older kids rather than a high chair next to mum! Last week we took the younger boys out to our local Italian for some lunch. It is one of our favourites because it is no only child friendly but seriously delicious too. It was a Friday lunchtime and the restaurant was full of mums with toddlers and older ladies and gents enjoying a retirement lunch. We were sat between a couple in their 70’s (I am guessing) and a lady with a baby having lunch with her parents. The baby next to us must have been about seven month and was crying…and crying…and crying. Her mum was trying desperatly to sooth her but the baby wasnt having it and the mum looked tired and stressed. Mike was trying to have a conversation with me but I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying. I was so distracted. It wasn’t the baby that was bothering me…it was her mum. She was flustered and panicking and I could feel every inch of her uncomfort. I glanced around and realised the older couple had asked to be moved and the mothers with toddlers were rolling their eyes and tutting! I felt like crying for her! I walked over and knelt down to the mum with her baby. ‘Most the people in the room are parents and we have all been where you are. Don’t worry about anyone else, you are doing a great job.’ I offered to take the baby while she finished her lunch as ours hadnt arrived yet. She burst into tears and gave me a big hug. The mum felt instantly more relaxed and in turn, her little baby calmed down. George and Arthur were a joy that day and unlike the mum next to me, we were getting nods of approval. Usually I would feel proud that out kids good behaviour is being aknowledged, but when the praise is coming from the same judgemental dicks that are rolling their eyes at a crying baby I just felt annoyed. Rewind just a few weeks and it was me that was sitting their being talked about and feeling shamed. George didnt let us down though. As the bill was placed on the table he kicked his shoes off and ran through the restaurant. He ran around tables, giggling and screaming as I chased him like a overweight hurdler after a bottle of prosecco. As I passed the mums who had been rolling their eyes i laughed ‘It was all going so well! That will teach me for being smug!’ hoping they might find the hint and advice in my comment. George ran behind the bar, hi-fiving the waiters and I finally rugby tackled him at kitchen door! A couple of days after this I read in a paper that a lady with a crying baby was asked to leave a cafe because it was upsetting the customers. I wonder how many of those people offered some help or advice to the mum, who may well have been struggling herself, before they complained to the owner? Or whether the owner of the cafe thought to ask if there was anything he/she could do to help before they showed her to the pavement. I do have sympathy for everyone who wants to have a quiet meal without ‘naughty’ children or screaming babies around them. My point is simply, before you roll your eyes, ask to be moved or tut at the parents, take a second to think. Could this parent be struggling? Could that child throwing a tantrum have a disability that you can not see? Could this parent benifit from a gentle hand of reassurance? Or more to the point…..were your children always perfect? Anyway, im off out for lunch with all the kids….wish me luck 😜

High School Transition

High School Transition

Year 6 children were recieving their high school decisions last week and everyone of them and their nervous parents were in my thoughts. This time last year we were in that position. Waiting desperately to find out if we had been given a place at our first choice. When we received the email informing us both twins had been offered a place at Oxted School, the school we were hoping for, I thought that was the end of our stress.  A bottle of champagne and a nice dinner out marked the end of a stressful couple of years of reseach, opinions, school tours and Ofsted reports. About three weeks after we found out the boys had got into Oxted, a Facebook post appeared on my thead. ‘Latest Ofsted Report shows school is failing its pupils’. Our first choice school had recieved a ‘Requires Improvement ‘ grading from Ofsted. I looked through the report and managed to rationalise most of it. In fact, the report didn’t concern me half as much as some of the comments being made by parents and people from the community about the school on the facebook post. Comments were being made about ‘teachers turning a blind eye to bullying, knife threats, picturing a school that worries more about uniform that its student welfare. Pupils being assaulted and nothing being done’ it just sounded like every mums worst nightmare. It was too late to apply for another school so I turned for a brief moment to the thought of private education….for all of 10 minutes. I worked out it would cost about £850,000 to send all our children and that is before University costs! Everytime I popped into town and met someone with a child at the school I spent 15 minutes quizzing them. I spoke to ex pupils and current pupils and everyone gave me the same feedback. It is a large school (over 3000 pupils) and there will always be bad stories, unfortunately the good stories never tend to make it to social media, but overall the feedback was positive. I emailed the head teacher with my concerns and ten minutes later I recieved a reply inviting me to pop in and see her. She explained exactly where she felt the school was lacking and how she planned to tackle the issues Ofsted had raised. She assured me that the door was always open if we ever had any more concerns. Right. I was reassured. I could start looking forward to my twin sons new life adventure.September arrived but, unexpectedly, that first week was probably the hardest of my whole ‘mum life’. We were so excited, the boys had all their uniform, pe kit and lesson equipment ready and off they went. I had spent the previous two days watching all my other mum friends from primary school post what a great first day their kids had and I couldn’t wait to do the same. I spent all day with an excited knot in my stomach, waiting to pick them up and find out how their first day at high school had been. I couldn’t wait to hear about all the friends they had made and wonderful teachers that they had met. It was nothing like what I had expected. They hated it. They told me they had made no friends and they wanted to move to the school that all their old pals had gone to (they were the only ones from their primary school to go to Oxted). They were so upset, both of them, they were crying and begging us not to send them back. I was devestated, and even though Mike is much more laid back when it comes to schooling than me, he couldn’t hid his dissapointment too. I completly and irrationally thought back to the Facebook comments earlier in the year and decided, despite spending two years researching secondary schools, I had screwed up. My boys were not happy, and that was the one thing I wanted for them. I posted my feelings on Instagram. Negative posts is not something I usually share but a friend had told me, as a parent blogger, it is important to share the sad times of parenthood aswell as the funny. It really helped me and acted more as reach out for some support. I was shocked at how many other parents said their children were experiencing the exact same feelings. Even though I felt like crap, I didn’t let the boys know, I adopted my usual positive manner. ‘It is your first day, you didnt have any friends on your first day at primary school, look at you now.’ ‘It seems hard and strange now but give it a couple of weeks and you will feel differently’ ‘I felt exactly the same on my first day at High School’ They were not convinced so I made a deal with them. I told them if they threw everything into this half term, if they joined extra curricular activities (enrichment) as the school calls it, and If they tried their best with school and homework and by the October half term they still felt the same I would look into different options. I had no intention of moving them unless it was really effecting them but it was important for them and our relationship that they understood I was listening to them. After that I became a ‘pushy mum’. I found the list of the enrichment activities and went through all the various clubs with them. They offered everything from science, art, drama, dance, table tennis and all sorts of sports. We agreed on a few each and I insisted they try, even if it was just once. Harrison went to Football and Rugby after school, Mikey went to drama, trampolining and hockey. Mikey put himself forward for the Christmas play and had a great time at the school roller disco. Harrison joined cross country and was invited to a inter-school meet within his first three weeks at school.I honestly believe that the enrichment activities they have put thselves forward for has helped their transition in secondary school. Needless to say, by October they had completely changed their mind about leaving Oxted. I am hoping this might help other parents struggling with children moving into secondary school. Extra curricular activities not only helps new pupils create friendships with people with similar interests but representing your school also embeds a sense of pride in your child and their school. Within two weeks the boys were happy at school, within two months they were really enjoying going into school. Now, half way through their second term, they love school. They have made incredible friends, represented the school in various sports and drama. They enjoy their lessons and learning and respect their school and teachers. Their parents evening was fantastic and I am so complementary and over the moon with the school.The parent – teacher communication is spot on, the oppertunities are in abundance and the standards and expectations are high. The school is also wonderful at sharing and celebrating students achievements, whether they in school or out of school. here is what I have taken from my first experience as a mum moving from Primary to Secondary school. – Don’t stress to much about other peoples opinions. What suits others may not suit your children, just go with your gut instict. – Encourage them to embrace all the oppertunities that the school offer. If they resist, push them. It is nerve racking for them, but it is well worth it and a good life lesson for them to push outside their comfort zone. – Keep an eye out for newsletters and emails. My boys are not always great at relaying information from school and gone are the days a letter is popped in their book bag. – When you hear about kids fighting at a school, don’t panic straight away. The boys have witnessed a few fights in their seven months and I worried at first. Untill they explain that the ‘fights’ are basically a couple of pupils pushing eachother and getting their handbags out. – If you have any questions or concerns go straight to the school. Headship teams understand parents concerns and should be on hand to put your mind at rest. – Become part of the school community. I dont mean you have to join the PTA (everyone who knows me knows that is not me). However, offering to help at school events means you are helping support and becoming part of the schools community. – Speak to your children. The boys and I have a very open relationship. I ask about their day at school, friendships, teachers, schoolwork, social media and general life. When they speak to me I try to never judge. I dont want them to ever worry about telling me something. – Keep in touch with friends from primary school. It is important for them to still have the familiarity and safety their old friendships bring. – Have realistic expectations of teachers and the school. Educational bodies are under a huge amount of pressure and need your support. Oxted School has been, so far, the best decision we have ever made for our boys and I hope it continues. I absolutly thrive on watching them grow, the friendships they are making and the experiences they are having. I am not suggesting it is a perfect school, but after a year of analysing I have come to the conclusion that no school is. Please share or tag any friends you have that are going through this transition. I would love to hear what tips you have for making the transtion smoother for year seven pupils and parents. Prehaps my other post on choosing a high school might help I asked aome of my wonderful blogging community for their top tips on starting Secondary School and here is what they had to say. Sarah at www.kippersandcurtains.com If they are walking to school – do a few practise walks over the summer hols so that they get used to the time it takes and the route. Find out if the school has a club on during the hols so they can familiarise themselves with the building and won’t feel so daunted. Debbie at www.myboysclub.co.uk Practice the journey to school and getting ready including full uniform, packing a bag and leaving the house at a certain time – especially as if it is different. Our morning routine totally changed. Also keep giving them more responsibility for their own routine. https://www.myboysclub.co.uk/2018/08/preparing-your-child-for-secondary-school.html Claire at www.mymoneycottage.com My son started high school last September. Take every opportunity you can to visit the high school with them before they start so that they know their way round as much as possible before they start. Cherry at www.thenewbytribe.com There are a number of things that will really help! Firstly, make sure you accept any open days/evenings/holiday dates etc that the secondary school offers your child – they’ll often put on several things for up coming Year 7’s and if you can get your child to them all then it’s a great way for them to get to know the school and other children. Also, spend some time going through the new school’s website – look at the photos, check out the newsletter and the comings and goings a the school – it’ll help your child get to know what the school is up to, and will also give them a chance to know names and faces of teachers before they start. If they are starting somewhere they will have to walk to or bus to, do that trip a good few times before they start so that’s one less thing to worry about on the first morning. Also, most Primary schools will do lots and lots of transition – they’ll learn how to read timetables, how to read maps etc which always helps!

10 things I love vs 10 things I hate about pregnancy  

10 things I love vs 10 things I hate about pregnancy  

I am linking up today with Parent Blogs Elite Linky #1 with Jenny at www.midwifeandlife.com Because I have spent nearly four of the last ten years pregnant people assume I must love it. It’s not so much about loving it as trying to embrace it and making the most of it.   It is after all a blessing. Having said that,  like everyone I know all to well it’s good and bad points…. I have noted a few below: LOVE 💗:

1) Obvs being able to eat tonnes of chocolate without feeling guilty and weighing myself 10 minutes later.

2) Not going out, You always have the perfect excuse to blow someone out! Yes I am saying that!  There are times when you are pregnant when no excuse is needed…. You just don’t fancy it!

3) No 2, same rules apply for the bedroom 😜 

4) No hangovers, it’s rubbish watching other people get trollied without you but something empowering about being the only sober one, mentally noting all the Sh#t everyone is talking.

5) Those lovely little kicks that remind you something so special is happening inside you.

6) Planning for your new arrival, preparing the nursery, collecting and washing new baby clothes and enjoying the serene room you have created before your little bundle of pooping and crying joy arrives to cause carnage.

7) Not having to explain yourself if you decide to take an afternoon nap or go to bed at 5.30pm.  That NEVER happens to me with five children but you first time mums know what I’m talking about! 

8) The waddle….come on,  this should go in ‘Hates’ but you can use it to your advantage.  If exaggerated just right you can pretty much get anyone to do anything you want.   eg, I might offer… ‘ would you like a cup of tea guy’s’ ‘oh lovely,  thanks ‘ (cue me, struggling to get up out of my seat followed by a pro-waddle for a few steps, stop,take a deep breath……) ‘kate, sit back down hun,  I’ll do it ‘ ‘are you sure,  I don’t mind ‘😜 …waddle back a bit quicker to my seat 😂

9) Playing the labour game with your other half and friends. After about 35 weeks, every now and then, let out a quick loud ‘labour’ groan. Their faces are priceless! Mike never fails to jump 5 foot in the air and scream ‘what,what, is this it!? ‘ 😂😂….. ‘oh, no, false alarm  While you’re up babe could you do me a cuppa and a cheese and ham toastie, cheers ‘ 😉 

10) The closeness it brings us as a family.   I love laying on the sofa with Libby’s head on my tummy,  the boys asking if the baby and I are OK and talking about all the exciting things that are going to happen over the next few weeks.

Hate: 😣 1) Putting on weight so quickly you forgot what you look like pre baby making. Pregnancy brings a whole new meaning to ‘i don’t have anything to wear ‘. Unless I want to spend £100’s on maternity clothes that make me look like pat butcher! Jeggings, leggings,  baggy jumpers and t shirts is my wardrobe for 9 months. My mother in law owns a lingerie shop and her first words to me as soon as we announce we are pregnant is ‘ your not wearing an underwire are u?’ Apparently that is really bad for a pregnant/nursing mum so she gives me a few really comfortable but totally unflattering maternity bras. 

2) Mental hormones, last week I was in the car with mike and the kids when they said something that made me laugh.  My laugh turned from a Giggle to hysterical laughing to hysterical crying within 30 seconds.  It was so crazy the kids were getting scared and I couldn’t calm down to tell them not to worry. Mike was looking at me like I was something from the exorcist which made me laugh and cry even more. When we got home the kids Sent me to bed and told me ‘ you need some rest, you’re not normal ‘

3) Heartburn, it’s just constant and I drink more milk than my new born will at the moment.

4) Sleepless nights,  everyone associates sleep deprivation with a newborn but no one tells you about the 3 months of broken sleep you will get in your third trimester. If it’s not a full bladder it’s restless legs, aching back or vivid, nasty dreams. Guarenteed, at least once in every pregnancy I have a dream Mike cheated on me.   They are so vivid I wake up, snarl and ignore him for the rest of the day!

5) piles – say no more

6) No botox or cosmetic procedures – I have aged 4 years in 6 months!

7) Lack of energy, as I lay here, writing this Its 9.07am, George is in bed with me but I should be up getting some washing and housework done.  

8) Food…..no alcohol, no yummy cheese,  no pate, no shellfish, no liver, no runny eggs, no coffee, no sushi and ironically, guess what my cravings are!?  😠 

9) That stage of pregnancy when you don’t look pregnant but there is no doubt you are packing a few more pounds….  Urgh! Do you have any Loves or Hates of pregnancy to add? I would love to hear.

Tips to help your labour

Tips to help your labour

Before you read this, please remember,  I have been lucky enough to have straight forward births. I don’t want to come across ‘preachy’   This is what works for me and I wish, when I was pregnant with the twins,  someone had told me a good birth story rather than all the ‘Labour is the worst thing ever tales’ ‘ don’t envy you ‘ ‘ just take a much pain relief as you can ‘ It goes without saying if you need pain relief, take it, don’t be a martyr. But equally there are ways of coping without it that no one tells you about. Two tips I wish someone had told me are these …. Firstly, usually,  when the pain gets bad,  so bad you don’t think you can carry on,  you will be nearly ready to push…. You are moments away from meeting your baby so don’t panic,  you are nearly there! And two…. Never, let anyone force you to stay in a laying down position unless medically necessary. I was basically strapped to the hospital bed with the twins as I was classed as ‘ high risk ‘ and because they were my first babies I did exactly what I was told!  Ten years later, I don’t think they encourage laying down as much anymore. It is an unnatural position to birth in (imagine trying to poo standing on your head). It will make the contractions more painful (alot more painful!) and the labour last longer. Follow your bodies Instinct, walk around,  dance,  rock, bend over but try to avoid laying down. I think this is why I was determined to take control of my next birth and opted to have it at home. I ended up giving birth to Charlie on my hands and knees because it just felt right at the time.  I have a few rituals to get me through labour and make it as easy as possible. Everyone who knows me will know I’m not exactly a hippie but when it comes to labour I have a very free spirit attitude. Your baby has to come out one way or another so try to stay positive,  as scary as it is, and as daunting as it can be, try to embrace it. Maybe try some of these….. 

Bath – A hot (but not too hot)  bath is great during labour.   I tend to run a bath for every ailment I have,  whether its a cold, period pains,  stress, back ache or a headache. Add a few drops of your essential oils, concentrate on your breathing and prepare for what’s coming.

Raspberry Leaf Tea – I love this!!!  Well…. I think I love it!  I can drink it all day, everyday towards the end of my pregnancies, but once I am baby free, it gets chucked to the back of my cupboard never to been seen again….. Until the next pregnancy. I wonder if it is a mental thing? Something I associate with the end of a pregnancy perhaps? Soothing? Anyway… It’s purpose is to strengthen and tone the muscles around your uterus and help with a steady,  progressive labour. I have drank it in every pregnancy from about 32 weeks. Because I have drank it everytime I couldn’t tell you if it has helped towards quick labours or not, but I have always been blessed with shorter labours and very quick transition stages. I dilate from 4-5 cm to 10cm and start pushing in under half an hour. Maybe the raspberry leaf tea contributes to this,  maybe it doesn’t but give it a go anyway! You can buy it online or from Holland and Barrett. Make sure you start drinking it early (but not before 32 weeks).

 – Clary sage oil I love essential oils and find them really helpful throughout pregnancy. Clary Sage helps with pain and stress relief and smells gorgeous. During the early stages of labour I put a few drops into my bath and soak for a while. I also put a couple of drops onto a wet flannel to use as the contractions get stronger. I know some women add a couple of drops to a carrier oil and let there partner massage them with it. This would never work for me because if Mike tried to massage me during labour I would be likely to smash him in the face! I sometimes I add a couple of drops of frankincense too, it is a calming essential oil and I find it works great with clary sage for me. It is important to know that you should not use Clary Sage during your pregnancy as it can bring on contractions.   

Tens machine– Tens machines seem to be like marmite, some girls love it and some hate it. It is honestly a huge part of my pain relief during labour. I can’t tell you that it completely takes the pain away but it certainly dulls it and gives me something to focus on. It works by placing some sticky pads to your back which are attached to a small hand held machine by long wires. Small electrical pulses are sent through the machine to the patches and block the feeling of pain going to your brain.  It also helps stimulate natural endorphins (pain relief) in your body. You feel a vibrating sensation on your back and you can control how strong the electrical pulse is through your machine. When your contractions first start you strap it on and just need to use a low pulse. Then,  as your labour and contractions progress you will push for higher and higher pulses. Once it feels like it isn’t helping that’s when I jump in the birthing pool and am usually not far from pushing.

Birthing ball– Not only are birthing balls great to help back pain during pregnancy it is great for labour. During the early – middle of labour I sit on it and rock gently backwards and forwards,  rotating my hips, it really helps with pain and labour ‘fidgets’ i can’t sit still! 

Good movie / box set – There is no point racing to the hospital as soon as your first Contraction is felt.   Quite often it can be false labour but even if it is the real thing it can take quite a while. I find it much better for pain relief and comfort to spend as much of my labour at home as possible. Once I know it’s the real thing I put on a good movie and try to relax. During Charlies labour I watched Date Night, during Libbys I put on The Sweetest Thing and with George I was watching Louis Theroux documentries! 

Candles – All girls love candles,  I don’t really need to say more.   It’s about creating a calming atmosphere.  Dim lights, flickering candles all helps with calming and clearing your mind. Again,  you could add some oils to an oil burner  to perfume the air with some clary sage,  lavender,  ginger or frankincense. 

Music – Having music on in the background as delivery time approaches can be uplifting, encouraging and inspiring. 

Birthing Pool – During my first two labours I point blank refused to use a birthing pool.   The thought of sitting in a pool of your own blood and bodily fluids totally grossed me out. I only used one with Libby out of pure curiosity. I had done the hospital birth, I had done the homebirth so now I wanted to try out a waterbirth! I bought an Ecopool online,  the whole lot was about £110 and it was so easy to use. I would always insist on a waterbirth now,  the difference in pain at transition (pushing)  is massive. There is also something really special about holding your baby for the first time in a relaxing pool of warm water (plus it cleans them… Bonus!) It also allowed me to be in a position with Libby and George where I felt more in control of delivering them, reaching down when they come out and pulling them to you rather than baby being handed to you by your midwife. It is really important for me to say, after telling you all this, do what is right for you.   If you need a c-section for whatever reason or you have an epidural then that’s the way for you,  if I can’t handle things with my next birth I will have no problem calling for an epidural! The main thing is for baby to come into the world as stress free and healthy as possible and for mum to be the same. Do you have any tips for pain/stress relief during labour? Now I’ve wrote this all down let’s hope that baby number six, due in April, comes as smoothly as possible. Wish me luck xxx